Missouri

Oh, Please– Victoria's Secret's Been Selling Those for Years.

Girl, about teacher: He kept bending over in front of my desk. And he was wearing these tie-dye boxers, and they were hanging out of his pants. Except it looked like a thong. Like, there was a thong line. So, yeah, he might have been wearing a thong.
Girl #2: Maybe it's like a weird, secret guy thing. The top looks like boxers but the rest is a thong.
Girl #1: Yeah.

High School
Columbia, Missouri

Aunt: Well yeah, we dance with the turkey before we put it in the oven.
Girl: What?!
Aunt: Well you know, to give it one last dance.
Girl: One last dance?! As if it danced before!

St.Louis, Missouri

White girl to white guy: Oh, I get it. So a baller pops his collar.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Emmitt

Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!

Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri

Naked dude #1: I'm really surprised by how long it is.
Naked dude #2: Yeah… It's quite long.

Locker Room
Kansas City, Missouri

Woman on cell: Slowly… over the next week… add a fruit.

Barnes & Noble
St. Louis, Missouri

Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.

Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri

Black lady #1, after riding Superman: Did you sit on them tree sides?
Black lady #2: No, I didn't.
Black lady #1: You should've! You could see them motherfuckin' trees! And I was like “what the fuck!” I mean, I was cussing my ass off!
Black lady #2: So that was you?

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Emma

Two-year-old girl: I want a shot.
Mom: You ain’t gettin’ no shot.
Two-year-old girl: I want a shot.
Mom: You ain’t gettin’ no shot. They shootin’ your sister today.

Hospital Hill
Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: I always wondered what went on in there

Nursing instructor, about simulation dummy: Can in blink? Yes. Can it vomit? Yes. Can it urinate? Yes. Can it tell you what hurts? Yes.
Nursing student: Can it take you on a date?

Penn Valley Community College
Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: Nurse Badass