College girl: There, I’ve belittled and insulted The View without using the word “bitch” or the c-word.
Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: …and that itself is a feat
College girl: There, I’ve belittled and insulted The View without using the word “bitch” or the c-word.
Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: …and that itself is a feat
Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand…
Friend: Why can't you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It's like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That's how it feels like.
Bayonne, New Jersey
College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.
Sussex, New Jersey
Roommate #1 looking at crater-filled pie in freezer: Dude, what did you do to this pie?
Roommate #2: Me and Erin* kinda went at it…
Roommate #3: Oh, yeah? What else did you guys do?
Roommate #2: …with a spoon.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Girlfriend: I’m telling you, you definitely came inside my pussy last night.
Boyfriend: But I was fucking your ass!
Girlfriend: No, sweetie, that was my pussy.
Boyfriend: Then how come my dick had shit all over it this morning?
Train station
Paterson, New Jersey
Pastor, during sermon: You never know what's gonna come outta somethin' till you squeeze it.
Methodist Church
Port Norris, New Jersey
Overheard by: stunned organist
Girl standing at the bar: I train armadillos to race horses around banks.
Killarney's
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: I wish I had heard the beginning of that conversation…
Psychology professor, discussing babies: If this thing didn't smile, it would be in the trash.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Girl: But I’m graduating soon, so I don’t need spoons anymore!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as “frozen” as it's gonna get, well, not really because…
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
