North Carolina

Guy to friend: Jeff Gordon riding a Velociraptor alongside Jesus…

Appalchian State University
Boone, North Carolina

Overheard by: Diana Mason

Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can’t feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I’d eat you out all the time!

Davidson, North Carolina

Flamboyantly gay man on cell, sashaying student union: Apparently there was like a three-day no shower policy to attend this Earth Day function! Whatever, I didn't get the memo.

Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Caroline

Black girl to another black girl wearing Obama t-shirt: Girl, what is that on your shirt? Mmmm, Obama is looking all fine up on your chest.

Greensboro, North Carolina

Man on cell: I know she just thinks I’m this creepy guy, but I know better.

Cary, North Carolina

Frazzled female customer: Oh, you have to change my last name on the account, too. I got divorced…
Sales assistant: Congratulations!

Verizon Wireless
Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: i just want my phone upgrade

Mom: No, I liked– Is that bacon?!
Daughter: What?
Mom: There is a piece of bacon on the elevator floor.
Daughter: You did go to college, right?

Dorm elevator
North Carolina

12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We’re in public!
12-year-old son: But that’s the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!

Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina

Teacher: Next, we're reading Much Ado about Nothing.
(class groans)
Teacher: Back then, “nothing” was slang for “vagina.”
Class: Ooooh.

Enloe High
Raleigh, North Carolina

Girl on phone: I got two pairs of pants, a shirt, and I almost bought a beaver.

Boone, North Carolina