Man on cell: I know she just thinks I’m this creepy guy, but I know better.
YMCA
Cary, North Carolina
Man on cell: I know she just thinks I’m this creepy guy, but I know better.
YMCA
Cary, North Carolina
Frazzled female customer: Oh, you have to change my last name on the account, too. I got divorced…
Sales assistant: Congratulations!
Verizon Wireless
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: i just want my phone upgrade
Mom: No, I liked– Is that bacon?!
Daughter: What?
Mom: There is a piece of bacon on the elevator floor.
Daughter: You did go to college, right?
Dorm elevator
North Carolina
12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We’re in public!
12-year-old son: But that’s the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!
Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina
Teacher: Next, we're reading Much Ado about Nothing.
(class groans)
Teacher: Back then, “nothing” was slang for “vagina.”
Class: Ooooh.
Enloe High
Raleigh, North Carolina
Girl on phone: I got two pairs of pants, a shirt, and I almost bought a beaver.
Boone, North Carolina
Hot girl: Either my dog is eating my underwear, or my vagina is so acidic it’s burning holes in them… Neither of which I would be pleased about.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Chick, during silence: … So I woke him up at like two in the morning and was like, ‘Holy fuck!’ … Oh, sorry. I guess I should explain myself.
Lecture hall, Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Mom: Honey, do you wanna take off your princess dress, get naked, and get in a bucket?
Four-year-old aspiring princess: No.
Mom: Well, I do.
North Carolina
Coed #1: So we're finally officially dating. I mean it's been, like, six months!
Coed #2: Great! That's moving forward!
Coed #1: Yeah. He said the first six months I was on “dating probation” and now I'm on “girlfriend probation.” His friend got drunk at the bar and was all like “what, you haven't made her official yet?” so he's like, “you have my friend to thank for this.”
UNCG
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Put him on boyfriend probation
