Relationships

This Is the Same Girl Who Checks Out the Basement in Horror Movies

Crying girl to boyfriend: But I love you! You love me!
Boyfriend: Listen very carefully to me. I fucked her. You shouldn't have been a bitch to me about your friends. Now you can get over this and stop being a bitch and we can go get dinner and ice cream and then go home and fuck like sexy little drunk bunnies, or you can keep it up and find yourself without a boyfriend. Your call. Move on and be in love with me, or be a bitch and get dumped.
Girlfriend, still crying: I'm sorry.
Boyfriend: I know. It's okay.

Atlanta, Georgia

Eli Whitney: I Swear, Sir, That Was Never My Intention!

Drunk college girl: She doesn't use tampons because she doesn't want anything up there except her husband's dick? So, if she used tampons she'd be like, “Oh, I'm sorry honey, I lost my virginity to a cotton stick?” What a retard!

Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Megan

But She's the One Who Showed Up at the Club with the Lollipop and Pigtails

Man on cell: So now he thinks that I'm into her, and then she thinks that I'm a child molester…exactly.

Walnut Creek, California

Overheard by: Mod

Please Ignore This Inadvertent Overshare

Girl: I wish I had a loving relationship with my feet.
Woman: What?
Girl: Oh my god, you're not my mom!

Shoe Store
Durham, North Carolina

Maslow's Wasted on the Young

(in the atrium at the HQ of one of the national intelligence agencies)
Young woman to female buddy: It just wasn't meant to be. He refused to self-actualize me…

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/08/maybe-hes-cylon.html

Overheard by: Ian

Top Chef: Philadelphia Had a Whole Different Type Of Contestant

Ghetto girl: No! I'm just going to walk right up to him and be like, “your knives are in my car!”

La Salle University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Everything Is Coming Together!

Man #1: Hi! How are you?
Man #2 (excited): Great! I'm going through a divorce!
Man #1: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Man #2 (still excited): Yeah! My wife was with another man!

The Woodlands, Texas

Overheard by: ….what?

All the Other Times I Didn't Need the Vodka

Hipster girl: I wasn't invited to the wedding but maybe I'll go anyway. I could be your date. Who knows, maybe you'll even score.
Guy: Shit, all I have to do is give you two vodka sodas and point you to a pool and I'll score. Easy.
Hipster girl: One time that happened. One time.

Marta Train
Atlanta, Georgia

It's True! I Read It on a Truckstop Bathroom Wall!

Teen guy #1: Who comes to a concert to make out?
Teen guy #2: Uh, anyone with a significant other.
Teen guy #1: If a girl will make out with you at a concert, then she's down for anything. Like she'd totally take it up the butt.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: not so much

…Until I Heard Her Reciting Beowulf in the Shower

English teacher: Yeah, I dated this girl one time and she took a class and learned middle English. She memorized the beginning of The Canterbury Tales in middle English so she was like, “Do you want to hear The Canterbury Tales in middle English?” And I was like “yeah!” and she said it, and it didn't even sound like English. It was crazy, like chanting or something. I was about to propose to her just then. But I got over it.

Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey

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