Exasperated woman: I just called to say “I love you” while I had a moment to myself, okay?! Jeez! [Flushes.]
Women’s Bathroom, Bay Park Square Mall
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Exasperated woman: I just called to say “I love you” while I had a moment to myself, okay?! Jeez! [Flushes.]
Women’s Bathroom, Bay Park Square Mall
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Emo guy to friends: He loves me. He wants my children. He says to me: “Andrew, let me have sex with you so I can have your children.” I would do it if I didn’t have hairy nipples.
Library
Plano, Texas
Guy to friends: No, I mean he’s really in love with her, like reeeeally in love. He left his trailer, and moved in with his parents.
Buffalo Wild Wings
Winchester, Virginia
Asian girl #1: They’re doing it.
Asian girl #2: They’re doing it a lot, it’s like twice a week!
Asian girl #1: Man, and she wants it, too!
Asian girl #2: She’s Catholic.
San Francisco, California
Soccer mom #1: Is Cindy* coming?
Soccer mom #2: No, she broke up with Steve* today.
Soccer mom #1: She broke up with Steve*? Why?
Soccer mom #2: She called him and told him she wanted to play mixed doubles tennis, and he just lost it.
LA Fitness Locker Room
Buford, Georgia
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Suit on cell: Yeah, well, we got into a fight about whether she would rather have a regenerating salami foot, or a regenerating cheese hand. She chose cheese hand, but I explained about the salami foot being protected by socks, while the cheese hand is exposed to everything. The conversation just went downhill from there…
Bellevue, Washington
Girl #1: Yeah, that’s not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It’s such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It’s like I can still feel it. Too bad he’s such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so… not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.
Atlanta, Georgia
Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn’t help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.
Bar
Columbia, Missouri
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That’s it? Just “yep”?
Husband: Looks very different. It’ll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Tipsy girlfriend, playing “Never Have I Ever”: Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
