Oh! Take Me!

Nerdy American guy to girlfriend: I am a subset of your superset.

Shanghai
China

Overheard by: MF

Posted on July 15, 2025
China, Dorks, Geeks & Nerds, Relationships

And Then We Were Over and Out

Man on phone, about his failing marriage: I did everything I could. I was nice to her, I let her do whatever she wanted, and this is what happens… Are you fucking kidding me? I was there for her 10-4!

1958 West Grand Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Roger roger

Posted on June 20, 2025
Gripes, Illinois, On the phone, Relationships, Words

Because What Else Is There to Do in North Carolina?

College dude on cell: It will be the same thing — we’ll go out drinking, she’ll drink too much, she’ll cry on my shirt, and then she’ll pass out and I’ll have to carry her home. Happens every time… Because, dude, she’s my girlfriend. It’s what we do… Because! It’s what everyone does.

Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Overheard by: not his girlfriend

Posted on May 31, 2025
Gossip, North Carolina, On the phone, Relationships

I’ll Take “People Who Deserve Each Other” for $200, Alex

Girl: I always clean the sheets. You never notice, but I always clean the sheets.
Guy: What? We don’t even have sheets on the bed right now.
Girl: And do you want to know why we don’t have sheets on the bed? Because the other night, after you’d bled on them–
Guy: –I bled on them because you kicked me.
Girl: I did not kick you! It was that mole — that mole that started bleeding, which I’m very concerned about, by the way. Your mole shouldn’t just start bleeding like that. But anyway, I had just cleaned the sheets, and then your mole bled on them, and I went to clean them again and I thought, ‘Why don’t I see how long it would take him to notice there aren’t even sheets on the bed?’ So that’s why we haven’t had sheets on the bed for a month.

12th and Locust
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on May 18, 2025
Couples, Pennsylvania, Relationships

Maybe I Should Find a Nice Lesbian and Settle Down

Twink #1: I don’t want to just date him for the weekend — I want something for the rest of my life.
Twink #2: You could die Sunday. That would be the rest of your life.

The Hippo
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Mykl

Posted on May 8, 2025
Friends, Maryland, Relationships

He Went on to Become the Nicest Lawyer in Missouri

Girlfriend: Awww, I like this. We should get it.
Boyfriend: What? What ‘we’?! I told you, I’m breaking up with you on Monday.
Girlfriend: I know. I mean, I thought you were kidding…
Boyfriend: No! Now that the bar exam is over, I can break up with you and not feel bad about it. Now that the bar is over, I can break up with you and not worry about you failing and me feeling guilty.
Girlfriend: Oh.

Bluestem Crafts
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey