Gay man: So, did you end up fucking that guy from eHarmony?
Blondie: Sort of. When I was blowing him he told me to stop and I said, “No way, I'm just getting started!” And then he said, “Seriously, stop, I don't want to blow in your face.”
Gay man: That's like true love. You should use that story for your eHarmony commercial.
Central Illinois
Guy: Later. (he affectionately shakes girl by shoulders)
Girl: Wait, did you just shake me like a Golden Retriever after we had a nooner?
Guy: Yeah, that was kind of bad. (hugs her)
Financial District
San Francisco, California
Crying girl to boyfriend: But I love you! You love me!
Boyfriend: Listen very carefully to me. I fucked her. You shouldn't have been a bitch to me about your friends. Now you can get over this and stop being a bitch and we can go get dinner and ice cream and then go home and fuck like sexy little drunk bunnies, or you can keep it up and find yourself without a boyfriend. Your call. Move on and be in love with me, or be a bitch and get dumped.
Girlfriend, still crying: I'm sorry.
Boyfriend: I know. It's okay.
Atlanta, Georgia
Girl to friend: Sometimes she comes back from a party, and she's like, “Laura and I totally double-teamed this guy last night!” And I'm like, “That is just so wrong.”
Hamilton College
Clinton, New York
Professor: As you can see, I don't take breaks. So if you have to go smoke a marijuana cigarette or go have sex in the bathroom, just go ahead.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/366027149/getting-more-than-just-an-education.html
Overheard by: see ya
(two 6th-grade boys are sitting on the bus playing with their phones)
Boy #1: Hey, you know “saxophone” sounds a lot like “sexy-phone”!
Boy #2: Haha! Then for short you could call it “the sex”!
Boy #1: (laughs)
Boy #2: It would be like, “Hey, do you know how to play the sex?”
Boy #1: Heh-heh… Yeah, its a very complicated one.
Boy #2: Ew… That's gross.
Boy #1: Yeah, you know where you learn how to do it?
Boy #2: Where?
Boy #1: In college.
Boy #2: No way! I thought we learned everything in 5th grade.
Boy #1: Yeah…but I mean this time they tell you where to stick it in.
Boy #2: Ohhh…
School Bus
Maryland
Overheard by: Sam
Emo high school girl to friend: He's kind of like the replacement parent for kids with delinquent parents…only he has sex with you and 10 of your friends.
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: CK
(outside the university library)
Guy #1: So you scored.
Guy #2: And I know the holocaust inside and out.
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Skinny girl to prettier friend: You can't toss him a mercy fuck every time his father dies.
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Gwen West
