Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn’t hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn’t you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He’s been kind of gun-shy since then.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn’t fuck you for practice.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: warm ups?
Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes…
Man #2: Oh, dude, I’m gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn’t mine, dude.
Gym
Oregon
Girl #1: At least he didn’t say what JD said to me the other night. He said I was boring in the bedroom because I didn’t try new things.
Girl #2: Oh my god!
Girl #1: Yeah and I told him, well how am I supposed to know what to do? I was a virgin before you. Well, not literally a virgin, but close enough!
Girl #2: So what are you going to do?
Girl #1: Well, I told him that when we go on vacation, we can have a threesome. But it has to be someone I’ll never see again.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Slutgers Girl
Slacker boy: I could tell she was really into me, because she told me, like, three times, how she had given up sex for lent.
PM’s
Nashville, Tennessee
Young fashionista #1: How do you stay so positive?
Young fashionista #2: Oh, you know, I just don’t let the bad stuff in.
Young fashionista #1: What about Pedro?
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: paparazzi
Hoochie: I do have good morals, I’m just really drunk all the time.
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Guy riding in car with real estate agent: I think we’re looking for something– Dude those cats were humping!
Agent, to driver: Go back, go back!
Bedford, Texas
Overheard by: Tswerve
Middle-aged student: … But technically, can a woman get pregnant by two different men?
Biology professor: Depends on what party she went to.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jessica
Girl on cell: I don’t care how many times you fuck him. He’s your brother, and it’s still wrong!
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
