Professor: Her motto was, ‘Forget the pill, it’s all God’s will.’ So nature had its way and this young lady got pregnant. And just so you know, I had nothing to do with it.
Philosophy lecture, Melbourne University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: sleepy philosophy student
Music teacher: Tenors like to dominate.
School
Western Australia
Australia
Professor: At every threshold capacity spanking is happening!
Vanderbilt University
Nashville, Tennessee
Girl: Mister, what’s that?
Teacher: That is an air purifier.
Girl: A what?
Teacher: An air purifier.
Girl: That’s crazy, what yo need an air purifier for?
Teacher: To get the pollen out of the air.
Girl: What’s pollen?
Teacher: Well, when trees have sex, they release pollen into the air.
Girl: You mean I am breathing in tree jizz!? [Shudders in repulsion at the thought.][Whole class laughs.]
High School
Austin, Texas
Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.
Auburn, Alabama
Band instructor, about section: No, no, clarinets! It has to be short! Like pizzicato–pluck it, like a g string!
Band students: (attempting to contain laughter)
Instructor: Aww, c'mon, what the hell!
High School
Mattawan, Michigan
Professor: And if rubbing dog doo on a child's coat makes me a bastard, then so be it.
University of Kentucky
Overheard by: Still laughing a semester later.
Professor, on last day of sex addiction class: I'm putting a website on the board for anyone who's interested in more information on how to become a certified sex addict.
(entire class cheers)
Professor: I meant “sex addiction therapist.”
Student to another: He just spent a whole semester telling us that sex addiction isn't fun. Clearly we didn't catch on.
Chestnut Hill College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.
Berkeley, California
