Professor: To shake hands you have to make sure the wedge of your hand fits in the other person's wedge, and that your skin touches, and then give it a good two or three pumps.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Teacher: Pants so tight it could snap your vagina off!
Sex-Ed Class
Tampa, Florida
Teacher: Okay. Quick review: which Greek gods did we cover on Friday?
Student, seriously: Hermaphrodite? Herpes? Asbestos?
High School
Michigan
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way… And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Male ethics professor: I was generally seen as a spoiled little bitch.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Professor: The boy had all of the mathematical truths in his head and I was just pulling them out through his nose or something.
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
Teacher: These are the most… sensual… shells and peppers… that I have ever seen.
Ithaca, New York
Student: My girlfriend's theory on smoking is that it's good for you because it's natural.
Professor: Yeah, it's not like that crystal meth. That stuff's all chemicals.
Voice from the back: True dat!
Community College
Michigan
Teacher holding VCR remote control: I keep hitting play, this stupid thing won't work. Must need new batteries.
(changes batteries)
Teacher: Damn thing still won't work, you'd think they would buy machines that work, how are you supposed to learn with such crappy materials?
Student in front row: Ummm… Is that the tape on top of the VCR?
Teacher: Goddamn it!
Manchester, New Hampshire
