Texas

Guy about stripper girlfriend: I asked her to get STD tested, but she said she was almost done with her chlamydia medication, so it's all good.

Frisco, Texas

Overheard by: C.D.

Slightly crazy lady to older man sitting nearby: Hey! You look like my uncle Smitty! Are you kin to me?
Old man, startled: Um, no, I don't think so.
Lady: Well, you never know. I did that genealogy thing and it turns out that I am kin to Pocahontas, Thomas Jefferson and half the men that died at The Alamo.

Dan's Hamburgers
Austin, Texas

(five ditzy girls are looking at a big poster of the periodic table of the elements, and laughing)
Boy, walking up: What's so funny?
Girl: Haha! One of the squares says “Bi”! Hahaha… like “bisexual!”

UT Austin
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Bismuth.

Galveston woman: I swear, when I first met Sheila 20 years ago she looked middle-aged. She still looks middle-aged.
Guest from California: Maybe she discovered the fountain of middle age.

Galveston, Texas

Overheard by: Chas

Cashier (handing over receipt): Would you like this?
Customer: No, they make babies in my purse…

David’s Supermarket
Whitney, Texas

Girl: I thought dinosaurs were a fairy tale.

Junior High Science Class
El Paso, Texas