Pilot: We’ll be flying with our team of flight attendants today, and of course we’ll be looking forward to the great service they provide… [Awkward laugh] The great service they provide to you, of course.
American Airlines flight
Overheard by: not that kind of service
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: Now, ladies, I am impressed with your Louis Vuitton and your coach. I adore your Prada and your Gucci. They are beautiful. But I will be more impressed with all of your bags if you stow them under the seat while we are landing. Now sit back and shut up.
(five minutes later, while plane is taxiing)
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: We are finally here. So please, exit the plane a lot quicker than you boarded it. (plane stops, parks at gate) Get out.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Flight attendant: Just for future reference, when flying into O'Hare, Xanax is your friend.
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: NeededSome
Gate attendant over PA: This is the final boarding call for Singapore Airlines flight 123.
(announcement is repeated several times over there)
Different voice, over pa: Singapore airlines, could you please not make so many announcements?
Airport
San Francisco, California
Pilot standing at door to plane after pulling into gate: Shit! I totally didn't mean to park here!
Airport
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Girl: Promise me you won't fall in love with a Mexican while you're gone and leave me forever.
Boy: You're so racist sometimes.
Girl: I can't help it!
International Airport
Portland, Oregon
Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.
Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia
40-something guy: Dr. Phil man, he showed up for Britney, maybe he'll show up for me.
Airport Baggage Claim
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Security agent: What's in the box, sir?
Guy with cardboard box: Pot. (long pause, then slowly) A ceramic pot.
Durango Airport
Durango Colorado
Customs officer to woman with a cat: Can you prove that this cat is Canadian?
Canadian Customs
Pearson Airport, Toronto
Canadia
