Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work…thank you for flying Southwest.
Flight over Providence, Rhode Island
Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work…thank you for flying Southwest.
Flight over Providence, Rhode Island
Hot chick: I was too tired for a layover in Denver! It’s not like you’d let me nap — we’d just end up fucking in the airport bathroom for five hours. Wait! If Denver’s the Mile High City, do you think bathroom sex can count us into the Mile High Club? Oh my god, I am changing my flight — Cleveland can wait. Cock is so much more important.
Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Wishing I was the dude in Denver
Sorority girl #1: So, like, you still get your period when you’re on the pill.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, but not when you’re pregnant.
Sorority girl #1: So what’s the point of the pill, then?
Sorority girl #2: It totally makes your boobs bigger.
Airport
Lexington, Kentucky
Little girl: Mom, why don’t I have a hairy butt like you?
Bathroom, AA flight 329
Dad to howling toddler: Stop it! Suck it up! You don’t hear anyone else crying, do you?
United flight descending into O’Hare
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Airport PA: Will the man with his pants around his ankles please return to Security and retrieve your belt?
Chicago Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Pilot: We’ll be flying with our team of flight attendants today, and of course we’ll be looking forward to the great service they provide… [Awkward laugh] The great service they provide to you, of course.
American Airlines flight
Overheard by: not that kind of service
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: Now, ladies, I am impressed with your Louis Vuitton and your coach. I adore your Prada and your Gucci. They are beautiful. But I will be more impressed with all of your bags if you stow them under the seat while we are landing. Now sit back and shut up.
(five minutes later, while plane is taxiing)
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: We are finally here. So please, exit the plane a lot quicker than you boarded it. (plane stops, parks at gate) Get out.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Flight attendant: Just for future reference, when flying into O'Hare, Xanax is your friend.
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: NeededSome
Gate attendant over PA: This is the final boarding call for Singapore Airlines flight 123.
(announcement is repeated several times over there)
Different voice, over pa: Singapore airlines, could you please not make so many announcements?
Airport
San Francisco, California
