Colleges & Universities

College girl #1: Have you ever smelled sweaty balls?
College girl #2 and #3: Oh my god! Yes, we were just talking about this yesterday.
College girl #4: No.
College girl #1: Really? Oh yeah…you don't like giving head.

University of South Florida

Girl talking to two people about to take a nap: I'm going to colonize your bodies when you sleep.

Dorm, UCSC
California

Overheard by: Derrick

Woman #1: You know what I learned the other day? Social Darwinism.
(awkward pause)
Woman #2: Really? How's that working for you?
Woman #1: Well, it sure explains a lot.

Library, Arcadia University
Glenside, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Xander

Ranting professor: Say you're on a date, and your waiter places a bag of saltine crackers in front of you.
(students are puzzled)
Ranting professor: So, you're happy to have these crackers. But your date says to you: “Don't you see the filet mignon or the lobster?” But you can't see them! So you eat the crackers, and then you die. Then I go to your funeral.

Moorpark College
Moorpark, California

Overheard by: Amanduh

Frat boy: You know we measured his dick and it was like seven inches flaccid.

University of Virginia

Professor, noticing student's t-shirt: What is that?
Student: A gorilla and a shark high fiving in front of an explosion.
Professor: I'm going to work that into discussion somehow.

Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ZB

Girl to friends, very confidently: And I will be that horse!

Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Mel

Math professor: Coming home drunk at 3 am and grading calculus papers is a great way to learn calculus.

Southern Methodist University
Dallas, Texas

Yuppie Naming Conventions Apply Only to White People

Girl #1: Why the heck is her name “Brezelle”?
Girl #2: Well, she's African.
Girl #1: Oh.

Temple University, Pennsylvania

Girl #1: What does he look like?
Girl #2: The same way he looked when he was Catherine.

Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts