Bakery clerk: It's not like my dog is going to run off and do drugs!
Confused person next in line: Um, ha ha, you never know.
Bakery clerk: Oh, we were just talking about childbirth.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Bakery clerk: It's not like my dog is going to run off and do drugs!
Confused person next in line: Um, ha ha, you never know.
Bakery clerk: Oh, we were just talking about childbirth.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Girl in track pants: No! People don't look at me and think “oh, that bitch went to the gym.” No, they look at me and think “oh, that bitch is nasty!”
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Girl: So I think he's taken our relationship a step further.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he finally tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Nothing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He started talking to me exclusively in D&D jargon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have different tastes in men.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Doesn't play D&D
Girl #1: So my two-year-old cousin… You know, the one who laughs at me, and threw his bottle and his book at me?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, this one time he like pushed me down on the floor, and like… licked my face.
Girl #2: Wow! Your two-year-old cousin is like a combination of all the boys you've met here.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Dorm guy: I said “thanks for the help,” but I should have said, “thanks for the help, asshole, I hope they send you back to China.”
Michigan State University
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way… And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Mexican girl: Do Mexicans even know how to use star 69? Because I asked one once, and she didn't.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: overheardincc
50-something guy on cell: Yeah, so honestly I don't think this will work out… I think your sexuality is a little… young for me.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: dates older guys
Guy #1: Dude, don't get me wrong–Laura* is great, but she's kind of…
Guy #2: Young?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also…
Guy #2: Goofy?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also…
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: She's kind of… She looks like Mick Jagger.
Guy #2: Oh, if you're trying to tell me she's unattractive, I know. But at least she won't cheat on me. (pauses, then laughs) Yeah, she does look like Mick Jagger! Good one!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: wow, that's harsh
Boyfriend, pressing girlfriend's nose with thumb: Hmmm. I don't think I'd date you if you looked like this.
New Jersey
