Woman to friend: That would never happen. Not even in a fairytale you wrote your goddamn self would that happen.
Buffalo, New York
Woman to friend: That would never happen. Not even in a fairytale you wrote your goddamn self would that happen.
Buffalo, New York
Guy: It was a teeth-optional place, but hey, I was a drug addict, so I'm not all that and a bag of chips either.
Los Angeles, California
Suit to friend: Coffee is like beer for the morning.
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/09/except-when-beer-is-beer-for-morning.html
Overheard by: Ian
Bakery clerk: It's not like my dog is going to run off and do drugs!
Confused person next in line: Um, ha ha, you never know.
Bakery clerk: Oh, we were just talking about childbirth.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Girl in track pants: No! People don't look at me and think “oh, that bitch went to the gym.” No, they look at me and think “oh, that bitch is nasty!”
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Girl: So I think he's taken our relationship a step further.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he finally tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Nothing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He started talking to me exclusively in D&D jargon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have different tastes in men.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Doesn't play D&D
Girl #1: So my two-year-old cousin… You know, the one who laughs at me, and threw his bottle and his book at me?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, this one time he like pushed me down on the floor, and like… licked my face.
Girl #2: Wow! Your two-year-old cousin is like a combination of all the boys you've met here.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Dorm guy: I said “thanks for the help,” but I should have said, “thanks for the help, asshole, I hope they send you back to China.”
Michigan State University
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way… And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Mexican girl: Do Mexicans even know how to use star 69? Because I asked one once, and she didn't.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: overheardincc
