Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it’s also high in calories.
Guy: Yes… It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman’s body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: … It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Man to son: Stop talking about vampire bats and focus on your poop.
San Diego, California
Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!
Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Loud 40-something: The government wants to cut down on unplanned pregnancy and decrease abortions, but a dozen condoms is as much as a 12-pack of beer? Hello, middle America is not choosing condoms over beer!
Burlington, Vermont
Teacher: Your papers are due next Wednesday. They need to be at least two pages, double spaced.
Blonde girl: Wait… do you mean two spaces between each word?
Lincoln High School, Portland, Oregon
Girl looking at herself in the mirror to stranger: Do I look crazy? Do I look like a drag queen? I'm on a first date and I'm really nervous.
Bar Bathroom
Chicago, Illinois
Guy: So they would smuggle one of these toy dogs in their shirt pocket.
Girl: Why don't they just put them in their bras? It's like “yeah, I got a boob job while I was in China.”
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: RU serious
Girl: I didn't say I was a lesbian cyborg, I just said I was a cyborg.
Guy: All cyborgs are lesbians.
Townsville
Australia
Guy #1 (after guy #2 leaves): Man, I hate him so much.
Girl: What? Why?
Guy #1: Ever since he fell out that window and almost died and shit, girls have been all over him. He's a goddam womanizer.
Girl: He is pretty cute.
Houston, Texas
