Brother: Where's the baby?
Sister: Over there. (gestures to crazy 4-5 year old child in jungle gym)
Brother: I'm sorry, but every time my nephew goes insane I want to clothesline him.
Sister: I don't think you're quite ready for fatherhood yet.
Playground
Poway, California
Overheard by: Jail, Anyone?
20-something female: He comes back Sunday. Oh! And Joe is giving me free birth control!
Orlando, Florida
Father: Sweetie, your affection for the dog is causing you to hallucinate.
Empress Pavillion
Chinatown, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Guy: So, what do you do?
Woman: Well, I’m actually a homemaker.
Guy: … Oh! So you’re, like, in construction? That’s cool.
http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/07/well_the_hours_are_probably_si.html
Overheard by: DRB
Pilot to passengers: Everyone, please make sure your seatbelts are fastened. I'm gonna fly this plane like I stole it.
Flight from Nashville, Tennessee
Middle school boy: They could solve world hunger if they just kept cloning lots of sheep.
Friend: Aren't sheep like, tofu?
Radnor, Pennsylvania
Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Crying girl to friend: And my paper had all these, like, negative comments on it a-a-and then she pulled me aside and compared my paper to people who take English as a second language.
Virginia Commonwealth University, Virginia
Professor, discussing King Solomon's Mines: So they find the body in the cave, and it hasn't decomposed at all. Not such a strange thing, as those of you who've ever hidden a body in a freezer will know.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
