Drinking & drunks

And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?

Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I’m just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I’m just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn’t even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?

Bennigans
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Chris

We’re Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time

Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I’m only drinking beers tonight.

Pinehaven
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

Could’ve Been Ugly If She Hadn’t Been Lactating, Though

Guy at dinner: Yeah, we figured we’d just have a low key night with just a few beers and some margaritas, but then Ann* was like, ‘Wow, I haven’t had any liquor in two months!’ so the next thing you know, we’re dropping 60 bucks at the liquor store, then the backyard porch swing’s on fire… It was a pretty fun night.

Arlington, Virginia

And Enough Working Fingers to Run It?

Chick to group preparing to light vodka on fire: How many times has setting alcohol on fire gone horribly wrong for us?
Guy: You’re right. That said, who has a camera?

Carleton University
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

So I Never Get to Use Them

Hoochie: I do have good morals, I’m just really drunk all the time.

Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia

And I Don’t Like the Way the Air Is Looking at Me

Sorority girl: I just hate water… It hates me back.

Dinkytown
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Karolyn

Possibly because I Spend Every Night Discussing Pee Stamina with You

Guy #1: It doesn’t matter if you can pee longer than I can, because I can still drink more than you, so I win overall.
Guy #2: No, peeing longer means I can have sex longer than you.
Guy #1: … Dude, you’re a virgin.

Restroom, Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: What the…

Every Catholic Wedding, Encapsulated

Drunk girl: I’m filled with the Holy Spirit… and booze!

Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan

Although Either Can Make You Sick

Trendy mother to three-year-old girl: No, tequila isn’t sex. Tequila is tequila.

http://community.livejournal.com/overheardinmelb/231325.html

Only the Strong Survive a New Zealand Childhood

Toddler in stroller, after dad accidentally pushes him into a shelf: Uh-oh!
Dad: Yeah, uh-oh! Daddy’s drunk, so he shouldn’t be drinking and driving. [Toddler giggles.]

Mt. Eden
Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: Jon

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