Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby’s Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby’s Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
College girl to friend: He’s a really scary driver. He’ll go fifty on gravel roads. I mean, I go fifty on gravel roads, but only if I’m really, really drunk.
El Rancho
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: RW
Guy: You know, I’m usually anti-slavery… Except when I drink, then I’m all for it.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
College professor: I wish there was a gas station on the corner that had a cigarette bar, and an espresso bar, and a drive-up liquor store. I would go there all the time, especially if I could just drive up and get my liquor.
Rochester Institute of Technology
Henrietta, New York
Overheard by: Concerned Student
Tipsy girlfriend, playing “Never Have I Ever”: Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
Dude #1: Man, I got so drunk on Saturday.
Dude #2: Did you pee your pants again?
Dude #1: No. [Dude #2 stares at him.] … Yes.
Dude #2: What’s wrong with you?
Dude #1: I don’t know.
Lake View Terrace, California
Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I’m just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I’m just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn’t even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?
Bennigans
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Chris
Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I’m only drinking beers tonight.
Pinehaven
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Guy at dinner: Yeah, we figured we’d just have a low key night with just a few beers and some margaritas, but then Ann* was like, ‘Wow, I haven’t had any liquor in two months!’ so the next thing you know, we’re dropping 60 bucks at the liquor store, then the backyard porch swing’s on fire… It was a pretty fun night.
Arlington, Virginia
Chick to group preparing to light vodka on fire: How many times has setting alcohol on fire gone horribly wrong for us?
Guy: You’re right. That said, who has a camera?
Carleton University
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
