Waitress: That comes with a side salad.
Woman at booth: I'll have a salad with ranch.
(10 minutes later)
Woman at booth: What is this?
Waitress: Your salad?
Woman at booth, loudly sobbing: I ordered a Caesar salad!
Waitress, at the top of her lungs: We have other salads! We have other salads! They are in the fridge!
Restaurant
Boardman, Ohio
Female cashier: I'm tired, and really not sure why.
Man checking out: You want to know what causes tiredness?
Female cashier: What?
Man checking out: Either too much sex or not enough sex. By the looks of you, it must be too much sex.
Albertson's
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Not tired, so I must be getting enough sex
Lady carrying huge crate of Girl Guide Cookies to campus rent-a-cop: But they're just kids! They were just trying to have fun!
Campus rent-a-cop, genuinely surprised: They were smoking pot on my campus!
McGill
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Driver to people leaving the bus at the university: Buh-bye, have a great day, kids. Enjoy your lessons…bye now. Do your homework. Work hard on your exams so you don't become a bus driver! Bye-bye, everyone!
56 Bus
Leeds
England
Literacy lecturer with thick Russian accent: When you have a guest, you say to them “feel yourself at home.”
Monash University
Australia
H&M worker: Hi, how are you?
Customer: Great, thanks, and you?
H&M worker: I'm okay.
Customer: Only okay? You're listening to a Journey remix in H&M! These are great times!
H&M
Toronto
Canadia
Nanny to 10-year-old girl: So, who commonly uses Celsius instead of Fahrenheit?
10-year-old girl: Penguins.
Brookline, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S
Elevator repair man: Hey, I got a call that someone was stuck in the elevator.
Security guard: Yeah, but I haven't heard any more noise from her in like four hours, so I guess she's fine.
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Tour guide: Be sure to stay with the group. The rats are very large and can sense weakness within the herd. (gives hard look to four old women)
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Julia
Store clerk: Oh yeah, karaoke. I used to be totally into that shit back when I was gay.
The Video Underground
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sam
