Professor: [the guest speaker] apologized for being so hard on you guys. Although she was kinda drunk when she did…
Student: That kinda compromises her honor.
Professor: Oh, trust me, her honor was compromised long before that.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Woman on cell: I just asked how’s he doing and he actually told me that he’s getting hard just talking to me. [Pause.] Well, what do you think I would say? “Oh ,that’s nice”!? Hell no! I said: “Oh crap! Sorry, I have another call, gotta go”. Yeah, that was definitely odd. Remind me never to be nice and try calling my exes again.
Florida
Thug: Damn, mami — look at them curves on you!
Ethnic chick: Sorry, boys, I have an arranged marriage. I’m kind of tied down to my fiancé [shows ring].
Thug: Come on, mami, let us sit down.
Blonde sorority girl #1: Sorry, gentlemen, we’re just trying to eat our food here. God bless. [Thugs look at her awkwardly and walk away.]Blonde sorority girl #2, very confused: Why did you just say ‘God bless’ to them?
Blonde sorority girl #1: What? It’s what you say to homeless people.
Leo’s Coney Island
Birmingham, Michigan
Overheard by: Jamie
Wife: Honey, be nice…
Husband: No, I refuse to be nice. It’s against my religion.
Wife: Oh, sure, you should get your own title… Archbishop of Jackass.
Home Depot
Rancho Cucamonga, California
Girl #1: Oh! Did I tell you about the threesome I had with the married couple on the cruise ship?
Girl #2, gesturing at a father and young son sitting directly in front of them: Shhh!
Girl #1: Whatever, he needs to learn.
DMV
Walnut Creek, California
Overheard by: Shh!
Nurse #1: Constipated and a lot of bloody stool.
Nurse #2: (laughs uproariously)
North Shore Hospital
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Unhappy girl: He left and said he couldn't work on the project because he had stuff he had to do.
Aggravated friend: But he left with his girlfriend? Stuff, my ass!
Calm friend: I'm sure that's what his girlfriend said.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/426880741/high-school-kids-frighten-me.html
Overheard by: is that sanitary?
Guy: I'm not sure that rocking up and offering cunnilingus is going to help my cause.
Girl: Worth a try, though…
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
