Etiquette

Dirty hippy skater dude: Oh man! I can smell myself.
Dirty hippy skater girl: I love it when I can smell myself!

Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California

Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I’m facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can’t even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!

Highway
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: scaredspectator

Girl #1: I can understand the idea behind having an affair…
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s the change of scenery.
Girl #3: The change of dick…

East Lansing, Michigan

Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It’s funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.

Montreal
Quebec
Canadia

Overheard by: should’ve stayed at the library…

Man walking down the street: All I did was stick my hand in her jacket and the show was over!

Madison and Canal
Chicago, Illinois

Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You’d walk through campus, wary, and then you’d sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!

Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.

Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom’s friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom’s friend: Because you’re annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!

Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois

Woman: It was a disaster. The bride was doing back-bends in the parking lot.

Gym
Studio City, California

Overheard by: urzzz

Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes…
Man #2: Oh, dude, I’m gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn’t mine, dude.

Gym
Oregon

Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]Father: Then stop touching shit!

Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Molly BOOM