Retail lady: He fucked me really hard last night. When I woke up all this liquid came out.
Banana Republic
Orange County, California
Retail lady: He fucked me really hard last night. When I woke up all this liquid came out.
Banana Republic
Orange County, California
Guy on train: It’s a stone edifice! You can’t wear a t-shirt in a stone edifice!
Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Spazzy
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn’t have been more than eight, say “bitches and hoes.”
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: … No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I’m in a fucking whorehouse.
Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overexposed springbreaker: Well, since it was a communal dildo, I thought I would be considerate and clean it off.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Ew!
Annoyed suit: Sir, don’t make me break out the “Canterbury Tales!”
Washington, DC
Middle school chick: Sir, are you married?
Substitute teacher: That’s a very personal question. That’s like if I asked you, “Has it started yet?”
Terman Middle School
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: heerothewizard
Dirty hippy skater dude: Oh man! I can smell myself.
Dirty hippy skater girl: I love it when I can smell myself!
Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I’m facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can’t even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
Girl #1: I can understand the idea behind having an affair…
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s the change of scenery.
Girl #3: The change of dick…
East Lansing, Michigan
