20-something girl to friend: Why are there needles in my bible?
Orlando, Florida
20-something girl to friend: Why are there needles in my bible?
Orlando, Florida
Girl: Wait, they had strippers at the baby shower?!
University of South Florida
Tampa, Florida
Tween boy #1: I'm bummed. I grabbed my mom's iPod instead of mine this morning.
Tween boy #2: They look the same, how do you know it's not yours?
Tween boy #1: I have Radiohead and The Shins, she has Deicide and Cradle of Filth.
Tween boy #2: I love that woman.
High School
Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
Girlfriend #1: It started to hurt after he used a condom.
Girlfriend #2: I don’t like your vagina. It has too many issues.
Girlfriend #1: I don’t like my vagina either.
Orlando, Florida
Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays?
Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake.
High School Gymnasium
West Palm Beach, Florida
Chocolate store girl: You’re a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I’m good-looking. You’re-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I’ll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you’re gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex’s dick when you’re supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she’s going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there
Drunk wife, for the seventh time in 10 minutes: I can’t believe someone stole my sweater!
Drunk friend: I had a sweater once…
Drunk husband: Was it a man sweater?!
Drunk wife: Oh my god, I can’t find my phone!
Drunk husband: Maybe it’s with your sweater.
Drunk wife: I don’t know… But I got lots of soap!
Wedding
Melbourne, Florida
20-something guy in the middle of a group: Guys, guys. I've got big news.
(group quiets down)
20-something guy: I just got a text from Ross. It says “Let's put it this way: they've stopped the ride, are cleaning up my vomit, and I'm leaving in a wheelchair. Spaceship Earth.”
(group cheers)
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Guy to girl: So when you're wearing a tampon, is it like having sex 24/7?
University of Florida
Mother admonishing her child for sticking his head through the bars in a fence: You do not put your head through anything. Ever.
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Becca
