Bitter guy: Girls don’t care about men, so I can’t relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don’t like sports at all, and I’m soooo good at video games that other people can’t play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah…
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Goth girl: I’m so proud of my sister. The rest of her classmates are doing their final projects on chihuahuas and stuff like that. My sister? Serial killers.
Friend: Dude, you’re turning her into a you.
Goth girl: I know! My mom is so pissed at me.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
College girl: Remember that girl who admitted to stealing my clothes from the laundry room?
Friend: Yeah?
College girl: Well, she finally gave me my clothes back at the end of the semester before she mysteriously disappeared. I was like going through them and I found not just my clothes, but like other people’s clothes too. Not just girls either. I found tighty-whities and shit. But the weirdest part was at the bottom of the basket. There was a plastic bag of jewelry ranging from like cheapo rhinestone shit to like semiprecious stones, a tv remote with no batteries, a crazy-straw, some masking tape, an empty lipstick tube thing, and a handful of Canadian money.
Newark, New Jersey
Girl: Look, you have to tell her.
Guy: I can’t tell her! I’ve kept this for so long!
Girl: If she really loves you that much she’ll understand.
Guy: How can I tell the girl that I love that I don’t like musicals?!
Bruin Walk, UCLA
California
Overheard by: if that’s the worst thing in your relationship…
Brunette girl: Well, they were blondes, but they were natural blondes, so not like, hot blondes.
Melbourne
Australia
Drunk girl, loudly: Anyone who says they’ve never had an itchy asshole is just fucking lying.
Cock O the Walk Bar
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Beer Bitch
Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Really? Well, even though you’re three weeks late, you totally don’t have to worry until a month after you guys actually did it. So you’ve definitely got at least a week left until you need to start worrying.
Teen girl #2: … Really?
Teen girl #1: Yes, I’m completely sure. You’re totally fine. Golden. Except that you’re 17 and might be pregnant.
Dallas Airport
Dallas, Texas
Chick to friend: Can I get that pulled out of my cervix in September?
Davis Square
Somerville, Massachusetts
Yuppie teen girl #1: I’m sooo glad it didn’t happen when those boys were looking at the restaurant!
Yuppie teen girl #2: Your face is totally like a target for their… like… stuff.
Hotel elevator
South Carolina
Overheard by: wtf are you talking about?
