Three-year-old girl: Did you hear about the baby that ate shirts?
Three-year-old boy #1: Did you hear about the baby that ate hats?
Three-year-old boy #2: Did you hear about the baby that ate people?
Denver, Colorado
Three-year-old girl: Did you hear about the baby that ate shirts?
Three-year-old boy #1: Did you hear about the baby that ate hats?
Three-year-old boy #2: Did you hear about the baby that ate people?
Denver, Colorado
Girl: Oh my god, Amanda*, I haven't seen you in so long. I feel like I'm making bad decisions because I haven't seen you.
Amanda*: Ha, I feel like I'm making too many good decisions because I haven't seen you. We need to get me in more trouble. And maybe keep you out of it.
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Hipster to boyfriend: There are certain places that you expect a woman's nipples to be, and hers were not in any of those places.
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Guy: I am making this shitty 50% less sodium Progresso chicken noodle soup. Tastes like penis!
Girl: Always an appealing taste.
Guy: If I ever get a twitter, that's my first status.
Girl: I'm tempted to get one. (pause) A twitter, not a penis.
University of Kansas
Chick: I was in your area during lunch and thought about asking you to meet me for a quickie.
Dude: What the fuck? And you didn't, because…?
Chick: I had to drive some coworkers back to the city. Wasn't sure what to do with them while we copulated.
Dude: Do what my parents did, sit them down in front of the tv, turn on Sesame Street and turn it up!
Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
Guy on porch to girl with big boobs in low-cut top: I love me some triple Ds!
Girl with big boobs in low-cut top: Good call!
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Sorority girl #1: Oh my god! I am like, not okay. I am not okay.
Sorority girl #2: Oh my god, are you okay?
Sorority girl #1: Yeah, I'm okay. But do you see me? I am not okay!
Bathroom, Gettysburg College
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: just trying to pee
Girl to friend: They have vaginas in here!
Applebee's
Boise, Idaho
Overheard by: Sarah
Teen girl to friend: Oh! I finally figured out whose pants I'm wearing.
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Chick on cell: Did I tell you I sent my dominatrix pilot to my father and he writes back, “so how did you do the research? It's all very accurate.”
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Amerigo Vespucci
