And That Was the Extent of My “Birds and Bees” Talk

Mom holding two tomatoes stuck together: Look, tomato twins!
Daughter: Oh my god! I love them!
Mom: They look like balls! [Laughs] Boy balls! [Walks away].
Daughter: Oh my god.

Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey

Posted on July 5, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Fruit, Girls, Gripes, Missouri, Moms

Maintenance: “When You Put an End to Nude Chair-Hockey, Then We’ll Talk”

Worried suit: That’s why we get our chairs cleaned more than any other department. We get our chairs cleaned every three months. Why doesn’t anyone put a stop to this?

Metro Bus
Seattle, Washington

Posted on June 21, 2020
Bus, Cleanliness, Compare and contrast, Default, Gripes, Questions, Suits, Washington

Can't Answer. Crashing.

Skinny boy at the back of the classroom: I had a Pop-Tart for breakfast!
Teacher, horrified: Why? Oh my god, why?!

Middle School
North Carolina

Posted on June 13, 2020
Food, Gripes, North Carolina, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Skinny people, Teachers

I Never Know What the Hell I’m Upset About

Teenybopper #1: Oooh, look at the nail polish I just got!
Teenybopper #2: I never use Sally Hansen nail polish anymore, because they test on animals.
Teenybopper #1: Really? What does that even mean?
Teenybopper #2: I don’t know. Something about pigs, I think…

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: EL

Posted on June 10, 2020
Bimbettes, Canadia, Gripes, Stupidity

I Just Want to Graduate, I Don't Want to Know Anything

Undergrad on cell: And the paper has to be, like, 10 to 12 pages long! (pause) I know! I'm like, “I'm not writing my freaking thesis here!”

Bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Posted on June 6, 2020
Bus, Education, Gripes, Minnesota, On the phone, Students

Are You Pregnant?

Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as “frozen” as it's gonna get, well, not really because…
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Posted on June 3, 2020
Colleges & Universities, Couples, Drinking & drunks, Gripes, New Jersey, Science, Words

When She Lies on Her Back, She Makes a Great Snack Tray

Tween girl #1: I have to tell you something — I don’t think Rachel is that hot.
Tween girl #2: Oh my god, I’m so glad you said that, ’cause I’m afraid to talk to people about her because everyone thinks she is so pretty.
Tween girl #1: They were doing this rating thing where they rate people on a scale, and Ryan gave her a seven.
Tween girl #2: She is totally not a seven — her boobs are inverted.

Premier Oaks Movie Theater
Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: *shakes head*

Posted on June 2, 2020
Florida, Girls, Gossip, Gripes, Rack, Tweens

I Didn’t Know They Made Thongs That Big

Male student: So, how’s your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.

Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland