Gripes

Let Me Guess– Rainbow Sherbert?

Drunken girl: I don't know, Luke, I'm just sick and tired of people who want to sit in their rooms and watch YouTube videos and eat sherbert.
Drunken guy: You don't like sherbert?
Drunken girl: No, I like it… but only with adventure.
Drunken guy: I wanted adventure. I feel kind of bad, though, that I didn't experiment enough.
Drunken girl: With what?
Drunken guy: With guys. I don't know, it just hasn't happened.
Drunken girl: Well, don't rush it. If you let it happen naturally, it will.
Drunken guy: But what if I don't like it? And say, “No, this isn't for me”?
Drunken girl: Let's go eat something.
Drunken guy: Sherbert?
Drunken girl: Yep.

Claremont, California

It Is When She’s Blowing Me While I Cook

Dish hand: Did you fuck it all up again, chef?
Chef: Sure did.
Dish hand: You do this every fucking shift.
Chef: Yeah, but my wife’s hot.
Dish hand: That is not a valid defense!

Adelaide
Australia

Translation: I’m Still a Little Stoned

Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I’m gonna be late for work… What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Nic

And That Was the Extent of My “Birds and Bees” Talk

Mom holding two tomatoes stuck together: Look, tomato twins!
Daughter: Oh my god! I love them!
Mom: They look like balls! [Laughs] Boy balls! [Walks away].
Daughter: Oh my god.

Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey

Maintenance: “When You Put an End to Nude Chair-Hockey, Then We’ll Talk”

Worried suit: That’s why we get our chairs cleaned more than any other department. We get our chairs cleaned every three months. Why doesn’t anyone put a stop to this?

Metro Bus
Seattle, Washington

Can't Answer. Crashing.

Skinny boy at the back of the classroom: I had a Pop-Tart for breakfast!
Teacher, horrified: Why? Oh my god, why?!

Middle School
North Carolina

I Never Know What the Hell I’m Upset About

Teenybopper #1: Oooh, look at the nail polish I just got!
Teenybopper #2: I never use Sally Hansen nail polish anymore, because they test on animals.
Teenybopper #1: Really? What does that even mean?
Teenybopper #2: I don’t know. Something about pigs, I think…

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: EL

I Just Want to Graduate, I Don't Want to Know Anything

Undergrad on cell: And the paper has to be, like, 10 to 12 pages long! (pause) I know! I'm like, “I'm not writing my freaking thesis here!”

Bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Are You Pregnant?

Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as “frozen” as it's gonna get, well, not really because…
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

When She Lies on Her Back, She Makes a Great Snack Tray

Tween girl #1: I have to tell you something — I don’t think Rachel is that hot.
Tween girl #2: Oh my god, I’m so glad you said that, ’cause I’m afraid to talk to people about her because everyone thinks she is so pretty.
Tween girl #1: They were doing this rating thing where they rate people on a scale, and Ryan gave her a seven.
Tween girl #2: She is totally not a seven — her boobs are inverted.

Premier Oaks Movie Theater
Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: *shakes head*

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