Roseanne Barr: The Flight Attendant Years

Angry suit: When is this plane going to take off? I have a very important meeting to get to!
Flight attendant: The incoming plane is delayed, sir, there's nothing we can do at the moment.
Angry suit: Well, are you going to make arrangements for me to get on another flight? This is urgent! Do you know who I am?
Flight attendant (over loudspeaker): Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, there is a gentleman at the desk who does not know who he is. If anyone has any information about his identity, please come forward.

Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on October 6, 2020
Airports & flights, Bragging, Default, Flight attendants, Illinois, Offers and requests, Questions, Suits, Time Management

The Secession of New York Is Just Wishful Thinking

Confused chick: Excuse me, sir, I don’t know which line to go into… This says ‘resident,’ but I’m not from here — I’m from New York.
Homeland Security agent: It’s still this line.

O’Hare Airport immigration line
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: amused traveller

Posted on September 4, 2020
Bimbettes, Illinois, Stupidity

Marijuana Wouldn't Be Any Fun Without It.

History professor: In New York the exit signs are red. They're like, “Fire! Get out!” In California the exit signs are green. They're like, “Dude, if you wanna get out, cool. If you like fire, if that's your thing, that's okay, too.”

Aurora, Illinois

Posted on August 14, 2020
Compare and contrast, Illinois, Teachers, Weirdness, Wishes

9 Out Of 10 Dentists Disapprove Of Their Relationship

Guy: I was really pissed off. Then you bit me on the shoulder. Three times.
Girl: (laughs hysterically)

DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: University Peon

Posted on August 7, 2020
Body parts, Colleges & Universities, Girls, Guys, Illinois, Violence

Would You Like to Borrow My Slinky?

Girl #1: Yeah, and so I threw the Internet cord from the top of the fire escape down to the bottom instead of walking all the way down. It was pretty exciting.
Girl #2: Ummm, okay then…
Girl #1: Well, it was okay! It’s like throwing a baby down the stairs — you know you shouldn’t, but you do it anyway!
Girl #2: Okay…

Illinois

Posted on August 4, 2020
Bimbettes, Illinois, Stupidity

How to Say “I Love You” Like a Chicago Native

Man in t-shirt and jeans: Wait. Can I just be myself for one minute here? Can I?
Woman in classy cocktail dress: I don’t know, can you?
Man in t-shirt and jeans: [Farts loudly.]

Halsted Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Bardley

Posted on July 23, 2020
Burping & farting, Couples, Illinois

Another Year or So and I’ll Be a Sophomore, Though

Male student to female, exiting class: I think maybe I’m just wasting my parents’ money.

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois

Overheard by: Muindi F. Muindi

Posted on July 6, 2020
Colleges & Universities, Education, Illinois, Students

I’m Still Not Telling

Chick pointing at port-a-potty: Well, I guess I’m going to the bathroom now.
Dude: Do you fold or crumple?
Chick: This conversation has gone too far for me.
Dude: I fold. Well, depends on my mood.

Union Park
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 15, 2020
Couples, Gossip, Illinois

Ooo, What About an Intravenous Drip Filled with Cosmo?

Girl #1: I am so excited for the Sex and the City movie!
Girl #2: Me too! We should go out for drinks before the movie. Not too many cuz then we will have to take potty brakes during the movie and I don't want to miss anything!
Girl #1: Oh, good call, maybe we should wear diapers. I would totally wear a diaper for this movie!
Girl #2: Totally!

Peoria, Illinois

Posted on April 22, 2020
Default, Drinking & drunks, Girls, Illinois, Movies, Offers and requests, Pee, Stupidity

Well, When the Penis Is Erect and the Vagina Is Lubricated…

Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn't know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!

DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on February 29, 2020
Colleges & Universities, Family ties, Illinois, Questions, Sex, Thugs, Women