Only in the Holodeck, Though.

Proud girl: Ever since I gave up drinking, I have been drinking so much wine.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 2, 2021
Drinking & drunks, Girls, Illinois, Pride, Stupidity

When You Work for the City, You Take What Fun You Can Get

India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We’re having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked… Actually, they’re really not working… At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]

Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Comforting words

Posted on May 30, 2021
Conductors, Illinois, Threats

Actually…

Psychology instructor: If you look at the castle in The Little Mermaid, you'll see there are some phallic subliminal messages…
Student in the back row: It's a giant penis castle!

Psychology Class, Northwestern University
Illinois

Posted on May 28, 2021
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Illinois, Movies, Penis, Students, Teachers

Yes, Yes and Yes

Professor: What do you think my fantasy is?
Student: Armpit sex… in a park. No, wait. Menage a trois. All-male in a… ballroom?

Godfrey, Illinois

Posted on May 19, 2021
Illinois, Kink, Questions, Sexuality, Students, Teachers, Wishes

Build Him a Sukkah?

Loudmouthed breakfast patron: I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but what if you keep kosher and someone, like, brings a pig to your house? Like, what do you do with their pet pig?

Toast Two
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Paul

Posted on May 9, 2021
Animals, Customers, Illinois, Questions, Religion, Restaurants

Almost As If Drinking Affected My Judgment in Some Way

Guy #1: I once tried to hit on a chick while I was drunk and throwing up, but now that's just a fun story I tell and nobody lost their respect for me.
Guy #2: Except for the girl you were hitting on.
Guy #1: Well, I don't know. Her nickname was “dicktooth.”

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on March 15, 2021
Default, Drinking & drunks, Friends, Illinois, Insults, Sexuality, Weirdness, Words

Wait, an Outline, or Solid Shaded?

Girl: I bet he would.
Friend: No, he wouldn’t.
Girl: I’ll call him now. [Dials] Hey, honey. Quick question: if I had a tattoo of a dick on the inside of my thigh about half an inch away from my pussy, would you lick it? [Pause] No. I said ‘if’… Well, no, I’m not saying it’s totally out of the question… Fine. We’ll talk about it when I get home. [To friend] See? I told you he would!

Bus stop
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Dana