Girl: I bet he would.
Friend: No, he wouldn’t.
Girl: I’ll call him now. [Dials] Hey, honey. Quick question: if I had a tattoo of a dick on the inside of my thigh about half an inch away from my pussy, would you lick it? [Pause] No. I said ‘if’… Well, no, I’m not saying it’s totally out of the question… Fine. We’ll talk about it when I get home. [To friend] See? I told you he would!
Bus stop
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Dana
Dude: Hold this burrito, I gotta take my clothes off.
Chicago, Illinois
Statistics professor writing on board: I’ll leave the numbers out because I always get them wrong anyway.
University of Chicago
Illinois
Overheard by: too early for this class
Girl: I feel rather drunk at this conjuncture!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Guy to girl in line at ATM: Stop playing with his butthole! What are you doing to his butthole?!
Champaign, Illinois
Overheard by: In front of her in line, and afraid to turn around
Angry suit: When is this plane going to take off? I have a very important meeting to get to!
Flight attendant: The incoming plane is delayed, sir, there's nothing we can do at the moment.
Angry suit: Well, are you going to make arrangements for me to get on another flight? This is urgent! Do you know who I am?
Flight attendant (over loudspeaker): Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, there is a gentleman at the desk who does not know who he is. If anyone has any information about his identity, please come forward.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Confused chick: Excuse me, sir, I don’t know which line to go into… This says ‘resident,’ but I’m not from here — I’m from New York.
Homeland Security agent: It’s still this line.
O’Hare Airport immigration line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: amused traveller
History professor: In New York the exit signs are red. They're like, “Fire! Get out!” In California the exit signs are green. They're like, “Dude, if you wanna get out, cool. If you like fire, if that's your thing, that's okay, too.”
Aurora, Illinois
Guy: I was really pissed off. Then you bit me on the shoulder. Three times.
Girl: (laughs hysterically)
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: University Peon
