Mom, giving toddler a stocking: That’ll keep you quiet for a minute. [Toddler starts stretching it over his face.] Awww, that’s so cute. Are you gonna go rob a bank?
DSW Shoes
New Jersey
Overheard by: Unburdened shoe shopper
Mom, giving toddler a stocking: That’ll keep you quiet for a minute. [Toddler starts stretching it over his face.] Awww, that’s so cute. Are you gonna go rob a bank?
DSW Shoes
New Jersey
Overheard by: Unburdened shoe shopper
Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?
Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?
New Jersey
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I wish I could get in the car with lesbians… Wait, no, I don't.
Tinton Falls, New Jersey
Chick #1: I’m telling her the dumpling story.
Chick #2: Which story? Oh, the one about how people get off on being peed on?
Chick #1: What?!
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy: If I had a vagina I'd have all kinds of stuff up there. (pause) I'd use it as a shower caddy.
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: Laura
Girl: What smells like lemon poppy seed cupcakes?
Guy: It might be my penis.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Guy #1: So, where do you meet girls?
Guy #2: You mean, at the strip club?
Guy #1: I mean the ones you don’t pay for.
Guy #2: At the strip club.
Skillman, New Jersey
Guy #1: When he gets excited, that kid laughs like a hyena.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know.
Guy #1, trying to mimic the laugh but failing: I don't know how he does it.
New Jersey
Girl, at beginning of Jesus Christ Superstar: Are they going to kill Jesus?
Boyfriend: Well…yes, Sarah. That's sort of how it works.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
