…To Paraphrase Nietzsche

White trash woman on cell: Yeah, she OD'ed, right? I just got out of jail for murder. “Your mom died of overdose” is what she told her. You need to stop telling people all this, I could get locked up for a long time. You told Heather and everybody, she knew all about what I did. But…I don't know, she said to call her. She's at her house, I guess. Look, you don't do shitty things to people that are there for you, you do shitty things to people that are not there for you.

Computer Science Department
Ohio State University

Overheard by: Now Heather and I are both in on the secret

Posted on May 11, 2017
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Crimes, Default, Drugs, Family ties, Fears, Offers and requests, Ohio, On the phone, Weirdness, Women

It’s a Sensitive Matter Only a Truck Full of Syrup Can Resolve

Man on cell: No, Eileen’s not too happy with me. I filled her refrigerator with waffles… No, I can’t talk about it here.

Public library
Cincinnati, Ohio

Posted on March 4, 2017
Food, Gossip, Ohio, On the phone

If Evolution Is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right!

Human evolution professor, showing a slide of a monkey: Just look at those testicles! They're huge and pink…just…they're all in your face!

Anthropology Classroom, Kent State University
Ohio

Overheard by: Laureen

Posted on October 14, 2016
Animals, Balls, Class, Colleges & Universities, Default, Education, Ohio, Teachers, Weirdness

The Glue, Duh

Girl to guy: What's so safe and innocent about my lips glued to your penis?

Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Overheard by: Spence

Posted on September 6, 2016
BJs, Compare and contrast, Default, Girls, Ohio, Penis, Questions, Weirdness

If You Can Do That, What’s Your Incentive to Leave the House?

Chick: No, Spencer, you don’t have to lick your penis to let everyone know that you’re here!

Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Overheard by: Drunk guy in apartment hallway

Posted on March 6, 2016
Default, Girls, Gripes, Kink, Ohio, Penis

Once You Have Kids, Santa Loses All Respect for You

Crazy, bearded old man: Have you seen Bobby lately?
Ohio state trooper: No. His wife just had a baby, so he’s on leave for a while.
Crazy, bearded old man: Well, the next time you see him, tell him Santa Claus says [blows a raspberry].

Goshen, Ohio

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on February 20, 2016
Cops, Crazies, Insults, Ohio

Homer Simpson: Mmm, Sacrelicious…

Teen girl to friend: You know what I wanna do? Smoke a joint rolled in a page from the bible.

McDonald's
Ohio

Overheard by: Dylan

Posted on February 13, 2016
Christianity, Drugs, Friends, Girls, McDonald's, Ohio, Questions, Teens, Wishes

Now My Batman Costume Just Looks Silly

(elastic snapping sound)
Woman in stall: And that was the sound of my outside panties!

Bathroom, Dive Bar
Ohio

Overheard by: Monika

Posted on February 7, 2016
Bars & Clubs, Default, Ohio, Restroom, Sensory experiences, Undies, Weirdness, Women

But My Ass Got Hungry

Man #1, shouting: Are you wearing a thong? Dude, this dude's wearing a thong! Why are you wearing a thong?
Man #2: Well, it didn't start out that way.

Oberlin, Ohio

Posted on February 3, 2016
Clothes, Default, Guys, Ohio, Questions, Sexuality

And Well-Deserved

Gym bunny #1: … So then he said I must not be paying attention to my practice if I had so much to say about his.
Gym bunny #2: Oooh, that’s a yoga slap if I’ve ever heard one!

Donkey Coffee
Athens, Ohio

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on February 2, 2016
Gym rats, Insults, Ohio