Drunk girl stumbling down the street with open umbrella on a sunny day: Shhhh, we have to pretend to be sober.
Leeds
England
Southern stewardess: In case of a water landing occurring in between Tucson and Las Vegas… (pause) If you are traveling with a spouse or ex-wife be sure to put on your own oxygen mask first so that you have an excuse to leave them on their own.
(later)
Southern stewardess: There are six bathrooms on this Boeing 747, feel free to use any of them if you don't like my jokes. (pause) Oh, and if you have any questions don't ask me, I'm new here.
Flight 280
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: kat
Guy about stripper girlfriend: I asked her to get STD tested, but she said she was almost done with her chlamydia medication, so it's all good.
Frisco, Texas
Overheard by: C.D.
Girl looking at a picture of someone milking a cow: Oh my god, look at the size of the testicles on this cow!
Embarrassed friend: Um, that's its udder.
Ohio State University
Random guy: Dudes! I just wasted 30,000 feet of caution tape!
Sheetz
Pennsylvania
(five ditzy girls are looking at a big poster of the periodic table of the elements, and laughing)
Boy, walking up: What's so funny?
Girl: Haha! One of the squares says “Bi”! Hahaha… like “bisexual!”
UT Austin
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Bismuth.
Guy #1: Man, it's all cloudy down there.
Guy #2: Yeah…
Guy #1: You know, that's the problem with America… we have a lot of clouds.
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: Romulo Escamilla
Girl: Oh my god, that is so slutty!
Guy: Not it's not! Sluts in unison aren't as slutty.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Professor: Will someone please close the door? I don't want anyone else to hear the stupid things I say. Oh, wait, I have tenure now–I don't care if they hear me saying stupid things!
Georgia State University
