Either That or Drown the Baby When You’re Not Looking

Little girl to mom bending over stroller: Fine, to make you happy I’ll dress up in my little baby clothes so you’ll pay attention to me.

Panera Bread
Lewisville, Texas

Posted on July 31, 2017
Gripes, Should have used a condom, Texas

Or Did She Just Leave DNA in Her Victims' Fingernails?

Girl #1: I mean, her nickname in high school was “the scraper.”
Girl #2: Is that a bad abortion joke?

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Confused

Posted on July 21, 2017
Abortion, Girls, Gossip, Texas, Words

And Almost As Many Holes As Most Political Speeches

Old lady: Look at that cheese–such a pretty color! Like one of Hillary Clinton's pantsuits.

Santa Rita Cantina
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on June 24, 2017
Compare and contrast, Compliments, Default, Food, Old folks, Politics, Restaurants, Sensory experiences, Texas, Women

Luckily, I Was There to Apply Blush on Her While They Were Removing Her Lung

Woman on cell: I totally didn’t recognize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not doing her hair and make-up before surgery.

Office Depot
Fort Worth, Texas

Posted on January 19, 2017
Beauty, Biotechs, Maladies, North America, On the phone, Stores, Texas, USA

Dear Martha Stewart…

Frustrated waitress: There’s not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!

Rudyard’s
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Hales

Posted on December 31, 2016
Bars & Clubs, Cleanliness, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Servers, Sexuality, Texas, Women

They Have a Ring on Them for Every Guy I've Slept with

Girl to man: You think I'm a virgin? Take a look at these titties and then tell me I'm a virgin!

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on October 7, 2016
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Rack, Texas, Virginity

Stupid Christian University

Girl, in random outburst: I am never going to sleep with you!

Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas

Posted on August 24, 2016
Character, Girls, Sex, Texas, Threats

That's the Last Time I'll Try Absinthe.

Teen to friend: My house smells like bug spray, and there is blood all over my bed!

Pappadeauxs Restaurant
Houston, Texas

Posted on July 29, 2016
Compare and contrast, Default, Insects, Restaurants, Teens, Texas, Weirdness

Translation: My Kids Are Greedy Little Assholes

Little girl with mother: My birthday’s coming up soon, so I don’t want to get anything for me.
Woman in opposite aisle: There is no way that child is human.

CVS
Houston, Texas

Posted on April 27, 2016
Etiquette, Glad the condom broke, Gossip, Strangers, Texas

When Fat Monsters Have Lunch

Suit #1: I honestly think one of our world's biggest problems right now is corn tortillas falling apart.
Suit #2: You're so right. I can't believe I never thought about this before.

Starbucks
San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: Katlin Sehres

Posted on April 5, 2016
Food, Philosophy, Stupidity, Texas