Texas

Woman #1: The Democrats were bound to lose the House majority, though… Oh, did you hear about David?
Woman #2: What about him?
Woman #1: Well, he recently came out.
Woman #2: Oh my god! As a Democrat?

University of North Texas

Hot Asian chick #1: The passion party was so fun — you guys should’ve gone.
Hot Asian chick #2: Oh my god! I wish I would’ve known about it. Did they have the Jack Rabbit?
Hot Asian chick #3: Yeah — and, like, oils and stuff?
Hot Asian chick #2: Forget that! Did they have anal beads?! [Sighs and glances over at her boyfriend] Our sex life has really gotten boring…

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: looking for the cameras

Little girl to mom bending over stroller: Fine, to make you happy I’ll dress up in my little baby clothes so you’ll pay attention to me.

Panera Bread
Lewisville, Texas

Girl #1: I mean, her nickname in high school was “the scraper.”
Girl #2: Is that a bad abortion joke?

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Confused

Old lady: Look at that cheese–such a pretty color! Like one of Hillary Clinton's pantsuits.

Santa Rita Cantina
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Katie

Woman on cell: I totally didn’t recognize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not doing her hair and make-up before surgery.

Office Depot
Fort Worth, Texas

Frustrated waitress: There’s not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!

Rudyard’s
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Hales

Girl to man: You think I'm a virgin? Take a look at these titties and then tell me I'm a virgin!

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Maggie

Girl, in random outburst: I am never going to sleep with you!

Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas

Teen to friend: My house smells like bug spray, and there is blood all over my bed!

Pappadeauxs Restaurant
Houston, Texas