Prissy girl on phone: You have a stupid face. You have to be my friend.
Cardiff
Wales
Overheard by: Gordinho
Archive for the ‘UK’ Category
And, Even Then, Mostly Cock and Ecstasy
Drunk girl #1: God, I hate you. How do you stay so skinny?
Drunk girl #2: I only eat when I’m drunk.
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Nighttime Smoker
That’s the Fountain on the Right
Loud guy in restaurant: So, we were out shopping and there were all these women in burkas taking pictures of each other. How fucking pointless is that? It’s not like they’re going to look back afterwards and go, ‘Oh, look, there’s Doris by the fountain!’
England
To Errol Is Human. My Dick: Divine.
Greek girlfriend: She misses you baby.
English boyfriend: Hm?
Greek girlfriend: She misses you.
English boyfriend: Who misses me?
Greek girlfriend: Helena.
English boyfriend: Who’s Helena?
Greek girlfriend: My vagina, baby.
Indian guy at table: You named your snatch Helena?! Really? You named your vagina?
Greek girlfriend: Sure, don’t you have a name for your dick?
Indian guy and English boyfriend, at same time: No.
Greek girlfriend: I’ve always thought of your dick as being called Errol, baby.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
She Escaped from the Closet and Alerted Red Riding Hood
Fat suit on cell: Damn that grandma!
Russell Square Station
London
England
You’re As Big a Disappointment As Your Mother!
Elderly lady to six-month-old baby: Now, I want you to say nice and clearly, “here I am, grandmother,” when I ask you where you are.
Oxford
England
Your Editors Just Googled Up 34,000 Hits for “Weird Insertions”
Mother to small boy: No, it’s a courgette, dear. You can’t light a fire with courgettes.
Sainsbury’s Supermarket
Cardiff
Wales
Overheard by: Gordinho
He’d Still Have the Use of Both Hands
Guy, to friend: And so I said to him: “If you’d never seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon your life would be so different right now.”
Bus
Coventry
England
Two Minds with Slightly Less Than a Single Thought
Student #1: Like, a visible person?
Student #2: Yeah! You know, that was exactly what I was thinking — a visible person!
Bexhill College
United Kingdom
Let’s Hope English Isn’t Her First Language and Move On
Old lady speaking to granddaughter: What exactly is a handjob?
Huddersfield
England
Overheard by: your how old and you don’t know what?
