How Did We Meet? Funny Story, Actually…

Guy on cell: My mom's husband is my dad's wife's ex-husband. Now you know why I live in Seattle–as far away as I can get on the continental US.

Bank of America
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Thinking holidays must be rough

Posted on November 7, 2014
Default, Family ties, Geography, Guys, On the phone, Parents, Relationships, Washington, Weirdness

You Know It’s a Leather Apron, Right?

Big black guy on cell: Yeah, I wear the apron. But it comes off at night. Then we’ll see who hustles!

301 bus to Shoreline
Seattle, Washington

Posted on October 18, 2014
Black people, Jobs & Careers, On the phone, Washington

That’s Always One for the Scrapbook

Kid to mom in car with windows up: Mom! I peed outside today! Mom! Did you hear what I said? I peed outside today! [Mom doesn’t respond.] Mom! Mom! I peed outside today! I peed outside today!
Mom, opening the door: Shut up and get in the car.

Kindercare, 196th Street
Lynnwood, Washington

Overheard by: snickerpants

Posted on December 5, 2013
Gossip, Parenting, Pee, Should have used a condom, Washington

Why You Never Tell a Kid You Considered Aborting Him

Five-year-old boy: Mommy, I’m gonna scrape your eye out. I take your eyeball right out! Scrape, scrape, scrape! Take, take, take! I got your eyeball, hahaha!

Seattle, Washington

Posted on November 29, 2013
Should have used a condom, Threats, Washington

It Seems to Be Rather Solidly Attached, Though

Teen girl: I know! It’s the same with my uterus. I just want to rip it out sometimes.

Covington, Washington

Overheard by: Trevor

Posted on November 27, 2013
Teens, Uterus, Washington

It’s Foolproof!

Middle-aged guy on ski lift to lady: … So I’m at work, and the new 18-something marketing intern comes up to me and basically directly propositions me for sex. Now, since I have that restraining order my wife got against me and I’m done dealing with that assault conviction, I didn’t think it was going to be a bad idea. My wife won’t come over and my probation officer calls the same time every day…

Crystal Mountain ski area
Washington

Overheard by: should have waited for the next chair

Posted on November 16, 2013
Creepsters, Gossip, Washington

And Then Shit, As in… Shit

Chick: I got so much shit to do this week!
Dude: Shit as in projects or finals?
Chick: What? Oh, no — shit as in drugs.

Washington State University
Pullman, Washington

Overheard by: Kevin

Posted on November 12, 2013
Drugs, Friends, Washington

For the Last Time, Tommy, It's Not Even Goat-Stabbing Season

Four-year-old to mother: How do you kill a goat? With a gun?
Mother: Well…
Four-year-old, after epiphany: Or a sword!

Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: Charlie G.

Posted on August 11, 2011
Animals, Kids, Moms, Murder, Questions, Washington

Like When Jim Carrey Became Jamie Kennedy

Nerd #1: What you really must decide is where your evil alter ego came from. Was it a sudden event that caused it to emerge? Or was it always lurking waiting for the right moment?
Nerd #2, nodding in agreement: Yes, yes. So true.

Skagit, Washington

Posted on May 25, 2011
Dorks, Geeks & Nerds, Philosophy, Questions, Washington, Weirdness

…Thinking About Food Nonstop

Obese guy to another: That's what I like most about dieting…

Ferndale, Washington

Posted on March 29, 2011
Character, Diet & weight, Fat people, Feelings, Washington