Alabama

Stay Away from Drugs, Kids!

Teen ordering at Subway: Yeah, I want mustard.
Teen friend: No way. Mustard?
Teen ordering: I like mustard.
Teen friend: Omigod, I'm telling Paul* and he's never gonna talk to you again.
Teen ordering: What? Omigod! No, don't!
Teen friend, pulling out phone and dialing: Too late.
Teen ordering, almost crying: I like Paul*!
Teen friend, answering phone: Hello? Paulie! Natasha* loves mustard. (pause) Oh. Never mind, Paul* likes mustard.
Cashier: Um, are you two drunk?
Teen ordering, wide-eyed: Do you like mustard?

Subway
Alabama

Overheard by: they were drunk.

Ignorance + Ignorance = Ignorance

Girl: So I hear that all Puerto Rican women are like models.
Guy: What?
Girl: Like they're all really hot and stuff.
Guy: I'm sure some are…
Girl: Yeah, they are, and they wear like thongs and stuff for underwear too.
Guy: I always heard Puerto Rican women were fat.
Girl: No, that's Hawaiian women.
Guy: Oh.

Lecture Hall
University of Alabama at Birmingham

You Seem to Have No Friends, Only Interests

European history professor, discussing WWI: And of course, with Germany's resumption of unrestricted submarine warfare, the United States had its reasons to join the war against Germany.
World-weary student: Not to mention all the loans American bankers needed England and France to win to pay back.
Professor: Some of you are too cynical for your own good.

Montevallo, Alabama

It Also Slices, Dices, and Makes Julienne Fries

Shopper: I don't think I would trust a pregnancy test from a dollar store.
Cashier: Oh, it works. Trust me.

Montgomery, Alabama

Overheard by: not pregnant

When Rappers Take SAT Prep Courses

Crazy lady to college kids making fun of her: You got finesse, use it! Don't you be so nonchalant.

Krystal
Birmingham, Alabama

In Alabama It's Kind Of Hard to Tell

Older woman #1: I really need to get my flu shot this week.
Older woman #2: I got mine last week.
Older woman #3: Ya'll better watch out getting those flu shots, haven't you heard that vaccines cause autism?

Birmingham, Alabama

Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much

Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls…

Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama

Overheard by: Tyler

We Won't Know 'til We Take the Bar Exam

Law student: The professor was late the first day because he couldn't find his keys until he realized they were in the ignition of his car, and then he came in and sat cross-legged on the desk and talked about Woodstock. So it could be worse, I suppose.

University of Alabama
Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Overheard by: Jennifer

With Sex, You Either Have a Good Time or a Good Story to Tell

Teenage girl: Yeah, he just couldn't orgasm! I spent like three hours on that shit, and after about an hour I was so thirsty I wanted to say “hold up, I'm gonna go get a big gulp.” (friend bursts into laughter)

Birmingham, Alabama

Lindsay Lohan's Bedside Table?

Lady, looking bewildered at companion: Well, where would you be if you were a sex book?

Bookstore
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Knows exactly where he would be

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