Alabama

Redneck: So then I woke up, and she was hitting me in the head because I passed out and she couldn't wake me up, even though she pulled my eyelids back and everything. So then I was like “Why are you so mad when we just went to the best rodeo of our life?”

Auburn, Alabama

Sororitard to business classmates: Well, I guess it depends whether you consider a dog a person or not…

Alabama

Overheard by: liz

Guy: The professor talked about the uterus for 20 minutes. Who talks about the uterus in a history class?

Stone Center, Jacksonville State University
Jacksonville, Alabama

Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.

Auburn, Alabama

Girl #1: Tyra will never be as good as Oprah. The Tyra show just doesn’t have the credibility that the Oprah show has.
Girl #2: Well, Tyra does serious shows sometimes; like when Hilary Duff is on.

Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama

Gamer dude: … and the game comes with like, real guns.
Wannabe goth chick: They’re actual guns?
Gamer dude: Well like, real models. And it comes with this mirror that lets you see yourself and like, shows what you look like if you get shot in the face.
Wannabe goth chick: That’s nice. That’s not something you would normally get to see if you got shot in the face.

UAB
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Kitty-Jack

Teen girl #1, drawing faces on napkins with sharpies: Look! I named this one Mr Toastpuff!
Teen girl #2: Wonderful.
Teen girl #1: He's my best friend!
Teen girl #2: You replaced me with a napkin?
Teen girl #1: Well, you replaced me with a potato!
Teen girl #2: True…

Birmingham, Alabama

Whiny five-year-old: Mama! I'm soooo hungry!
Frustrated mom: Well, I don't care! And do you know why? Nobody ever died from hunger!

Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Girl #1: So… He’s gay?
Girl #2: Well, I’m not sure if he’s gay so much as he just, like, sleeps with anything that moves.

Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama

Woman #1: Sorry I'm late, I had bad anxiety.
Woman #2: I have bad allergies and a hangover.
Woman #1: Well, I'm pregnant.
Woman #3, looking up suddenly: What!?
Woman #1: Top that!

Barnes & Noble
Birmingham, Alabama