Student: Yeah, she said ‘good luck’ to me. [Friend rolls eyes and shakes head.] I know. It’s the University of Toronto — she doesn’t mean ‘good luck.’ What she really means is ‘I hope you choke on a toothpick and die so I can get your spot in the program.’
Friend, sighing: It really is a shame this school has to be so competitive… How’d you do on that last test?
University of Toronto
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A+
Drunk girl: St. Patrick's day is celebrating St. Patrick…who drove all the rats out of Germany.
University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: matt
Guy: When I went down on him, I realized he didn't shower.
Friend: Gross.
Guy: Yeah, I wasn't even gagging because of his dick, but because of his foul stench.
UC
Berkeley, California
Black girl on one side: We look like an Oreo!
White girl in middle (jokingly): Oh, is that a race thing?
Black girl on the other side: Yes.
Outside Harvard Medical School
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Math teacher: If you fuck with numbers, you're fucking with god! And people get killed for that shit!
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Tormented Math Student
Professor: Apparently nothin' says lovin' in Louisiana like carving your name into the Bonnie and Clyde monument.
University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee
Overheard by: darkhorse
Professor: What did our founding fathers want? Who cares? They’re dead.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
Freshman boy #1: Are you a man now?
Freshman boy #2: Yeah.
Freshman boy #3: It was that fast?
Outside Beaver [all girl’s dorm], Denison University
Granville, Ohio
Overheard by: L. A. DiLalla
Jewish student, about another: Every time we talk about the holocaust she, like, throws her Jew out and spins a dreidel with it or whatever.
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Lab TA, chatting during break: So I live alone, and I have a lot of trouble opening bottles. Have you guys ever heard of the plastic husband?
(entire class laughs)
Lab TA: No! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant I need help opening things up!
(class laughs again)
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
