Teen girl: Mom, guess what he got me for an early Christmas present?
Mother: What, honey?
Teen girl: A gas-mask bong–like in that movie Knocked Up. And it's purple!
Mother: Jeez, your dork-o-meter is in the red.
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Teen girl: Mom, guess what he got me for an early Christmas present?
Mother: What, honey?
Teen girl: A gas-mask bong–like in that movie Knocked Up. And it's purple!
Mother: Jeez, your dork-o-meter is in the red.
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Student: Well, sometimes you ask questions that have answers that might not be the answer you are looking for!
Professor: Are you calling me fat?
Michigan State University, Michigan
Girl #1: So when is that thing you guys are doing?
Girl #2: Oh my god! You have to go! We're all going to get naked and walk around campus all day.
Girl #1: I honestly would, but I have tattoos in some really unconventional places.
Girl #2: Oh, I understand totally.
Chem Lab, William and Mary
Williamsburg, Virginia
Girl: I told him I didn't dance, because I didn't want to dance with him, but all these other guys asked me if I wanted to dance and I had to say no because I told him I didn't dance, but I really wanted to dance. So we have to go, so that I can dance.
Friend: So, did you dance with him?
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: needs new friends
Male student: So, how’s your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Teen comic book geek #1: It's a good thing you're not a figment of my imagination. That would just be awkward.
Teen comic book geek #2: Yeah, totally.
Bookman's
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: adult comic book geek
College teacher, after pupil insinuated he smells: My armpits are charmpits!
Southampton
England
Skinny girl: My roommate’s nuts. We got into another fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She’s mad again ’cause you don’t rinse every drop of toothpaste out of the sink, right?
Skinny girl: No, it’s the mayonnaise! The fucking mayonnaise! She accused me of eating it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sandwich or anything. I looked at her and told her, ‘Listen, bitch, I don’t eat mayo. I’m anorexic.’ She’s accusing me of having no self control!
Tall girl: So, what happened then?
Skinny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, ‘Ha! Now no one can eat it!’ I don’t think that helped the situation at all.
George Herman’s
Charlotte, North Carolina
Redhead: If I were a horse, I would totally do this one [points to horse in magazine].
Blonde: If you were a horse, you would do them all.
Redhead: Yeah! There’s the Quarter Horse, the Mustang, the Appaloosa, and the Arabian. Ohhh, the Arabian! [Shivers.]
Raleigh, North Carolina
Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn’t working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?
Steveston
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose
