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Woman on cell: So I told him to quit being a titty and put it in the backseat.

Amarillo, Texas

Overheard by: Flossy Jossie

Guy #1: We had to read Catcher in the Rye and Uncle Tom's Cabin last year! It was ridiculous!
Guy #2: Aren't they the same story?

Fauquier High
Warrenton, Virginia

Overheard by:

Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.

Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri

Professionally dressed Asian girl (in a low voice): I can’t believe you showed that girl your pubes, man!
Short, pudgy Asian guy (in a low indignant voice): Well *I* can’t believe you showed her your innie nipple!

Elevator, Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McNasty

Hipster chick: I am who I am and that’s what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Chick: I’d worship Jesus if he had a rakish and amusing hat.

High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado

American construction worker: See, you escaped communism. All I ever did was join the disco demolition night at Comisky park.
Polish construction worker: I didn’t escape communism, I got kicked out. Big difference.

Chicago, Illinois

Preppy blonde on cell: She said she could see herself spending the rest of her life with him, so I told her: “wow, you really need to break up with him.” And she did!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Supervisor to trainee: Don't be afraid of the tomatoes.

Safeway
Rockville, Maryland

Professor: There's a reason to go to Pompeii: To see all the crazy penises!

Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Adam