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Bored school nurse: Valerie, do you remember the name of the little girl who ate the glowstick last week?

Elementary School
Utah

Soccer mom who was just given champagne by lady doing her nails: This is my first drink in ten months! Oh my god, I'm buying some of this on my way home!

Nail Salon
Cumming, Georgia

Overheard by: Caylin

Dad to daughter: Just don't pretend you're riding a bucking bronco when you're in bed.

Seattle, Washington

Tour guide: Now go up the stairs and take a left at the top. (pause) Wait, do I smell cookies? I smell cookies!

Vatican Museum
Vatican City

Overheard by: Face

AP lit teacher: I really did have a student do interpretive dance for a project once. He was really serious, too. He turned the lights off and had this techno music going–for two or three minutes. It was difficult for us not to start laughing. It was so ridiculous! I felt kind of bad. But then he stopped dancing, turned on the lights, and said “that was a lot better when I was practicing alone in my room naked!” Then he went to his desk and sulked for the rest of the period.

Michigan

Philosophy professor: It takes time for a finger to die.

Philosophy Class
University of Missouri-Kansas City

White trash man to white trash woman: So did you hear the news?
White trash woman: No, what?
White trash man (sighing despairingly): Aggie broke her corn-broom.
White trash woman, looking stricken: Oh, no!

Giant Tiger Store
Napanee, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Rockbot

Man: At least Canadian homosexuals take it up the ass.

Bar
New Jersey

Toddler, pointing to gigantic bin ball: Daddy!
Father: Oh, believe me kid, we don't need any more balls in our house.

Shoprite in Clark, New Jersey

Overheard by: allison

Little boy in ladies' room stall : You know mom, in Europe all the bathrooms are unisex.
Mom: Probably why it's such a godless country.

JCPenney
Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: diesel