Guy: And I was like, “I can't invite you to my party if I can't guarantee you'll keep your pants on!”
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: The man has a point
Guy: And I was like, “I can't invite you to my party if I can't guarantee you'll keep your pants on!”
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: The man has a point
Stoner lesbian: I bet if you like, took the time to scrape all the resin off my brain…and my lungs too. Yeah, all the resin from my brain and lungs and smoke it… You could get really really high.
Cumberland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Young pregnant mother, gratefully accepting seat on crowded tram: Come over here and sit with mummy, Adam.
Four-year-old: Noooooooooo.
Mother: C'mon, Adam, come sit with mummy.
Four-year-old: Noooooooo (but slinks over and sits down anyway)
Mother: Better?
Four-year-old: You've ruined my life, mom.
Mother: Yes, honey, I know.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Soap Oprah
Mother: And some armies have the sniper and he just picks them all off. Pkk pkk pkk.
Three-year-old with chicken pox (over still talking mother): I'm Spartacus!
Five-year-old without chicken pox: No, I'm Spartacus, you're Spartacus!
Mother, still talking: And then the detonator gets attached and once the fuse goes, it all goes boom!
Three-year-old: I'm Spartacus!
Five-year-old: You're Spartacus!
Flight between London and Liverpool
England
Overheard by: nadine
Guy: Did you see his hickie? It's huge!
Girl: He has a hickie? But I thought he was gay!
Avenue of the Stars
Century City, California
Guy about to buy beer: ID? ID? I'm 56-motherfucking-years-old! I don't need no ID! (reaches into cart and pulls out items) Here's my damn ID! I'm buying hemorrhoid cream and Fixodent!
Winn Dixie
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: betsy
Hyperactive son in doctor's waiting room: We've been here practically an hour!
Mother: And whose fault is that?
Son: You could have let me go…
Mother: It's my fault. It's my fault for giving birth to you.
Norwich
England
Substitute teacher to class: I have a theory that everything in the world is derived from grilled cheese sandwiches.
Student: What about things made out of meat? You know, like animals and people?
Substitute teacher: That's where my theory ends.
High School, Missouri
Overheard by: can's wait to graduate
Bus driver: Excuse me. (no one looks at him) Excuse me! (he continues driving) Was I supposed to make that turn?
Everyone within earshot: No!
Bus driver: My bad!
Lady in front row: Tell that to my boss when I walk in late.
dcist.com
