Teacher: Listen, I guarantee that by the time you graduate, each one of you will have a form of herpes.
New York City, New York
History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.
Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: i love this school
Guy with limp: I went up to a teacher and was like, “are you sexually aroused by my limp?”
Friend: What did she say?
Guy with limp: He didn't say anything, but I knew he was.
Kingston High School
Kingston, New York
Female classics major: My advisers are all men, and the youngest is, like, 45. And my thesis is on desire. It’s like, I don’t know what a male orgasm feels like. I don’t even know what a female orgasm feels like!
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Teacher: Why are you guys talking back there?
Student: Oh, Roy*'s just talking to his eraser.
Los Angeles, California
Drunk girl: I teach! I teach AP bio kids. They ask so many smart questions. (thoughtful pause) I make things up all the time.
Friend: You make things up??
Drunk girl: I just say “according to my research.” (shrugs, laughs hysterically)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Botany professor, lecturing on plant reproduction: Now, I'm sure you all know plenty about sex in humans by now. (pause) Because of the Ontario school system. (pause) And…stuff.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: The Shrew
Foreign language professor on first day of class (in Russian): By the end of this year, I will have you singing like Russian whores!
University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee
Professor: I don’t think we’ll have class on Monday — I’d rather you study for the final… Preferably not at a bar… But I realize the temptation may be tremendous.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Girl: So, it’s like this — a slut is a girl who says, ‘Look at my boobies,’ but a whore is a girl who says, ‘Touch my boobies.’
Friends: [Silence.]
Eleanor Roosevelt High School
Corona, California
Overheard by: trying to watch a performance
