Insults

Kermit: It's Not Easy Oozing Green

Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes “Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?” And I go, “No, it's my feet, I swear!” Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Overheard by: Nasty Nate

Distant, Constipated, and Lonely, That’s the Life for You

Little old lady: Are you here to poop? That’s what I just did. Everybody poops. It feels great! Such a relief!
Preschool girl: Yeah!
Girl’s mom: Come on, honey… What have I told you about talking to crazy strangers?

Bathroom, Target
Novi, Michigan

My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.

Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!

Subway
New York City

Either That or They Swallowed Some

Dutch tourist as four very fat tourists waddle by: I bet they’re American.

Hong Kong, China

Overheard by: i was thinking the same thing

Is That a Multiple Choice Question?

Hooker, yelling at pimp in parked car: Lemme axe you somethin: fuck you!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: rob w.

Surely Mrs. Clinton Has More to Say Than That

Guy: All I heard was, ‘Blah, blah, blah, I’m a dirty tramp.’

Los Portales
Iowa City, Iowa

Overheard by: girl at next table

The Role Of the Town Crier Has Become Distorted Over the Years

Pubescent boy screaming at elderly passerby: Fuck you! Fuck you! You, right there! Fuck you! (aside) Man, I gotta write an email. (screaming again) Your mother has a dick!

Eastchester, New York

You'd Best Not Be Bringing That Bag to Our Next Orgy!

Sorority girl #1: That whore stole my coach bag!
Sorority girl #2: Did you call her out on it?
Sorority girl #1: Well, no, it wasn't actually mine yet, but I told her that I was going to get that one like a week ago, and now she's carrying it. (walks past coach girl, who has iPod headphones in one ear, phone up to other ear) Whore!

Central Michigan University

Overheard by: Central Girl

Because I Buy You Drinks?

Girl: Dude, she digs you, why don't you ask her out?
Guy: She's fat.
Girl: You are so fucking pretentious and shallow.
Guy: I'm okay with that. It means I only fuck hotties.
Girl: We fucked, does that mean you think I'm a hottie?
Guy: No, that just means I was drunk and you were willing.
Girl: Why am I friends with you?
Guy: I have no idea.

Denver, Colorado

… And That the First Rule of Jerry Is “Don’t Talk about Jerry”

Drunk girl, screaming: I’ve got rules! Rule number one: Jerry is a pussy! Rule number two: Jerry is a pussy! Rule number three: … Um, I forgot where I was going with this.

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/05/huge-update.html

Overheard by: lola

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