Michigan

Baby: Are We Talking about Ass-Fucking Here?

Guy with baby: So, I found out that Ed tried something fairly kinky with Sarah when they got together at our wedding…
Girl: What? What did he try?
Guy with baby: It was fairly kinky…
Girl: Did he try to sodomize her?
Guy with baby: Alright, he did! But he was too drunk… She said it was like a marshmallow. [Turns to baby in baby talk] Wasn’t my cousin a big silly to try to sodomize my roommate when he was in that state? Yes he was! Yes he was!

Dominick’s Restaurant
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Jack

You'd Best Not Be Bringing That Bag to Our Next Orgy!

Sorority girl #1: That whore stole my coach bag!
Sorority girl #2: Did you call her out on it?
Sorority girl #1: Well, no, it wasn't actually mine yet, but I told her that I was going to get that one like a week ago, and now she's carrying it. (walks past coach girl, who has iPod headphones in one ear, phone up to other ear) Whore!

Central Michigan University

Overheard by: Central Girl

Or an Abortion

Pregnant black lady on cell buying 24-pack of beer at self-checkout: Girl, next time I have me a baby daddy I’ma get me a credit report!

Southfield, Michigan

That, and “Stop Peeing on My Foot.”

Thug: Damn, mami — look at them curves on you!
Ethnic chick: Sorry, boys, I have an arranged marriage. I’m kind of tied down to my fiancé [shows ring].
Thug: Come on, mami, let us sit down.
Blonde sorority girl #1: Sorry, gentlemen, we’re just trying to eat our food here. God bless. [Thugs look at her awkwardly and walk away.]Blonde sorority girl #2, very confused: Why did you just say ‘God bless’ to them?
Blonde sorority girl #1: What? It’s what you say to homeless people.

Leo’s Coney Island
Birmingham, Michigan

Overheard by: Jamie

Unless You’d Like to Hide a Buck Knife in a Teddy Bear

Woman at counter: [Mumbling.]Clerk: No, we don’t carry weapons here.

Hallmark Store
St. Joseph, Michigan

Overheard by: but if you try the precious moments store…

Richard Nixon. Any Other Questions?

Professor: This assignment is worth 20 points, but doing it can only earn you up to 18. The only way to get the last two points is to dress up.
Exasperated student: As what?!

Eastern Michigan University

Special Radiation Makes the Homeless Invisible to the Rest of Us

Hobo to passerby wearing sunglasses: That’s right, ’cause I’m radioactive!

Detroit, Michigan

Since My Lime Green Mumu Failed to Get Their Attention

Flea market lady: I don’t see the big deal about sanitation these days.
Older flea market lady: I know. The other day at work I dropped a cookie on the floor, then picked it up and ate it. You know, just to see what people would do.

Flea Market
Burley Park, Michigan

Overheard by: Amanda

Usually before Naming Them

Boyfriend: I can’t believe you weren’t there for me when I had to put my dog to sleep!
Girlfriend: I’m sorry, honey. Where I come from, we eat our pets.

Grocery store
Union Lake, Michigan

Thanks, Pfizer!

60-year-old dad to son while leaving restaurant: Thanks for joining us for lunch. It was good. Now I can go home and spread my seed.

Chinese restuarant, 5 Mile and Merriman Road
Livonia, Michigan

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