Translation: I’m About to Start Crying

Jock #1: Dude, that bitch broke my heart.
Jock #2, eating a burrito: I know, man. You were always so unhappy, and I wanted to, like, slap you around and make you happy.
Jock #1, singing softly and staring blankly at the ground: I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you…
Jock #2: Look, man, we boys, aight? But when you start singing cheesy-ass love songs to a chick that cheated on you, gave you an STD, and shit on top of your car because she’s crazier than a fucking monkey on crack with a banana up its ass, something’s wrong with you, and maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Sam

Posted on November 11, 2019
Advice, Default, Jocks, Relationships, Washington

Boys Are As Disposable As Kleenex

Girl #1: Hey girl, what's up? How's your summer? You still runnin' 'round with that bad boy?
Girl #2: Oh no, he dead.
Girl #1: He dead?! No! He dead? When?
Girl #2: Few weeks ago. It don't matter. We weren't goin' out no more.

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Posted on November 9, 2019
Death & dying, Default, Eavesdrop DC, Girls, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

At Least Take a Bite of This Apple

Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That’s funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.

Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania

Posted on November 8, 2019
Bimbettes, Body parts, Colleges & Universities, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Pennsylvania, Relationships, Religion, Religious fanatics, Sex, Students, Wishes, Yeahhh, college!

She Wasn't Well Bread

Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.

Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on October 31, 2019
Bars & Clubs, Compare and contrast, Default, Drunks, Food, Guys, Oregon, Relationships

Ten Bucks Says She's Fucking Other Guys on It.

Shaven-headed guy #1, while pissing: So she says to me, “can you take out the rubbish?” I said no. Then she asked me, “can you change the cat litter?” I said no. Then she asked me, “can you fix the back door..?”
Shaven-headed guy #2, while pissing: And you said no?
Shaven-headed guy #1: Yeah. Anyway, so for Valentine's Day she gets me a ping pong table. I didn't get her anything. And now I won't let her use the ping pong table.
Shaven-headed guy #2: You're the fucking man, mate!

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Posted on October 24, 2019
England, Gifts, Guys, Offers and requests, Relationships

…How's Your Relationship with Your Grandma?

Girl on cell: So, like, I refused her. I told her I'm not friends with whores.

Salisbury, Maryland

Posted on October 12, 2019
Girls, Insults, Maryland, On the phone, Relationships

Who'd Leave Anybody for Mom?

Blonde #1: So wait, your dad was still married when he asked your mom out?
Blonde #2: Yeah, and I mean I hadn't thought about it until my sister pointed it out, but I guess my mom was a homewrecker. So I asked her about it and she was like “oh, yeah…I remember the divorce papers going through.”
Blonde #1: That is so weird!
Blonde #2: Yeah, no kidding.

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Not the Daughter of a Homewrecker