Science

Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?

Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of… well, me.
Class: Um…
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.

1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: stravinsky

In Public Bathrooms He Gets So Hyper He Requires Sedation

Happy little boy touching everything: Bacteria! Bacteria! Bacteria!

Post Office
Hammond, Louisiana

The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth

Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student: Ohhhhh!
Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.

Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania

Nothing That Happens in New Jersey Qualifies As Real Life

Algebra class kid: Will we ever use this stuff in real life?
Teacher: No. You won't.

Middle School Algebra Class
New Jersey

Don't Bite the Hand That Grades You

Annoying professor, about optical illusion on slide: What do you all see here?
Student: A moron with tenure.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

To Use a Completely Hypothetical Anecdote

Professor: Fluorine is to chlorine as chlorine is to Kool-Aid. If you inhale chlorine, it burns your nose–you inhale fluorine and it'll eat your face and look for your family.

San Diego State University
San Diego, California

…As This 45-Minute Presentation Will Demonstrate.

Physicist: Elise has a quantum ass. It's either big or real big. Depending on what pants she wears.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: change

Which Is Also What I Wrote for My Essay About the Statue Of Liberty

High school girl, ranting to friend about biology class: It's *so* annoying…I hate evolution! He goes all into the *designing* of a cell and I'm like “God created it and that's all we need to know.” We don't have to go all hi-def into it!

Lancaster Mennonite HIgh School
Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Why It’s Been Renamed the “K-Fed Isotope”

Professor: Carbon-14 is an unstable marriage. He’s putting cocaine up his nose while she’s working hard. It can’t last, you know. That’s expensive.

Berea College
Kentucky

When Scientists Talk Dirty

Physics professor demonstrating electrical charges: I have my magic wand and my magic fur. Now, I’m going to rub my magic wand with my magic fur!

Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania

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