Only If They Don't Squeak

Student: Is it okay to wear leather trousers to a funeral?

Hull University
Hull
England

Posted on June 4, 2010
Clothing, Colleges & Universities, Death & dying, Etiquette, Students, UK

But I Didn't Back Up Over It. That's Gay.

English major #1: So, I totally ran over a snake today.
English major #2: Was it an anaconda?
English major #1: I don't know… It was a snake!
English major #3: Was it a grass snake?
English major #2: Was it a trouser snake?
English major #1: Yes. I ran over a penis.

Southern Illinois University
Edwardsville, Edwardsville, Illinois

Overheard by: M

Posted on June 2, 2010
Animals, Colleges & Universities, Illinois, Penis, Students

Internet Audiences Loved Two Girls, One Copy

Teacher: Please staple again. Please, if there is a god, staple again. Do it! Staple! Push it down hard! I want to hear you staple!

Middle School
North Carolina

Posted on June 2, 2010
God, North Carolina, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Students, Teachers, Weirdness, Wishes

Kirk Cameron: “No.”

Student in library: Could you forget that Jesus died for your sins for like five minutes?

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts

Posted on May 24, 2010
Colleges & Universities, Death & dying, Jesus, Massachusetts, Offers and requests, Students

Your Editors Are a Bit Worried About the Lard

Culinary student #1: I could really go for some duck stuffed with foie.
Culinary student #2: And lard? And berries? (pause) I'll masturbate to that tonight. I hate you!
Culinary student #1, defensively: I live with you, I know your poultry!

Stockholm
Sweden

Posted on May 24, 2010
Food, Gripes, Masturbation, Students, Sweden

This Is Long Island, Bitch!

Composition professor: So, by the way, this is how your do the top of the paper–title, dash, name, just like this paper here. I don't want a four-page paper which is three and a half pages long, with a half-page heading.
Student: But it's standard MLA citation practice for that heading to be like that.
Professor: Fuck MLA.

Hofstra University
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: I hate MLA

Posted on May 5, 2010
Colleges & Universities, Education, Insults, New York, Students, Teachers

You Seem to Have No Friends, Only Interests

European history professor, discussing WWI: And of course, with Germany's resumption of unrestricted submarine warfare, the United States had its reasons to join the war against Germany.
World-weary student: Not to mention all the loans American bankers needed England and France to win to pay back.
Professor: Some of you are too cynical for your own good.

Montevallo, Alabama

Posted on April 30, 2010
Alabama, Character, History, Money, Students, Teachers

College: In a Nutshell.

Freshman girl to friends: Guys, I really need to ask you a huge favor. I think I might be pregnant and you guys might have to punch me in the stomach to get rid of it.

North Bay
Ontario
Canadia

Posted on April 23, 2010
Abortion, Canadia, Pregnancy, Students, Stupidity, Violence

Though Usually I'm Being Flogged at the Time

Student to teacher who just made a mistake finger-spelling on board: Finger!
Teacher, erasing board: If I had a nickel every time someone said that to me.

Hampden, Maine

Posted on April 21, 2010
Body parts, Education, Maine, Masturbation, Sex, Students, Teachers, Words

Eh, They Were Station Wagons.

College girl: Last night I dreamed that everyone got a car for free… except for you.
College guy: Even in your dreams, I can't get a fucking break!

Boone, North Carolina

Posted on April 18, 2010
Compare and contrast, North Carolina, Students, Stupidity

Students